Pagtatangkang Pagsasalin

‘Perhaps not to be is to be without your being’
by Pablo Neruda

Perhaps not to be is to be without your being,
without your going, that cuts noon light
like a blue flower, without your passing
later through fog and stones,
without the torch you lift in your hand
that others may not see as golden,
that perhaps no one believed blossomed
the glowing origin of the rose,
without, in the end, your being, your coming
suddenly, inspiringly, to know my life,
blaze of the rose-tree, wheat of the breeze:
and it follows that I am, because you are:
it follows from ‘you are’, that I am, and we:
and, because of love, you will, I will,
We will, come to be.

@}-----

Marahil ang hindi pagiging ay maging na wala ang iyong pag-iral,
na wala ang iyong paglisan, na pumapatid sa silahis,
tulad ng bulaklak, nang wala ang iyong pagtagos
sa hamog at sa mga bato,
nang wala ang sulong angat ng iyong kamay,
na di nakikitang ginuntuan,
na marahil ay di inaakalang mamukadkad
ang maningning na sanhi ng rosas,
nang wala ang iyong pagiging at pagparito sa pagparam,
biglaan, napukaw, sa pagkakakilanlan,
sa alab ng puno ng rosas, sa ani ng amihan,
mangyaring ako ay ako, pagkat ikaw:
ikaw ay ikaw sa gayong ako, at tayo:
at, dahil sa pag-ibig, ikaw, ako,
tayo ay magaganap.

Que Sera Sera

I ended up in another blogger's bed. Everything was a blur as I passed out.

All I remembered were Chijmes, lots of red wine, cute caucasians and asians, and live band. I was with Bien aka Orally aka Ms Pouting Lips of Seduction aka size queen 2 of Singapore (who by the way complained about Java man's weenus - laglagan na), Peter (who found out about my and Bien's blogs, thanks to the queen's laptop), Mksurf8 (who is flying to Manila the following day), my ex-officemate (who was shocked by my outing last time - walang pasabi eh sinayawan at nilandeh nang nilandeh si Peter sa harap nya) and the rest of the Brady bunch.

For the whole story and the rest of the details, tune in to orally's blog.

So, there I was... empty piece of a shell, minding my own world. Without even knowing what love and life is all about... Choz!

I woke up with a massive headache. The blogger was on the other side of his king-sized bed wearing shorts. And only shorts! Natulala ako. Nangilid ang luha. I feel violated. Charot na maharot!

Hahaha, checka lang. Nung pinagmasdan ko sya, ang sexy nya. Sarap gapangin. Hahahaha!!! Sanay na kayo sa kakatihan ko. Keri na.

Maraming salamat sa hospitality mo, mksurf8. Never pa naman akong sumuka sa maling lugar, at ang ganda ng condo mo para dumihan ko. Grabe, ang puti at ang linis ng place mo, at pakiramdam ko, ako lang ang dumi dun. Hahahaha! Sinalo mo ang pekpek ko. Ang panata ko nung gabing yun eh uuwi ng alas-onse. Nauwi sa umaga. Pagkauwi, naghanda na ko para sa work.

Pero super fun.

Run, Carrie, Run

Standard Chartered Singapore marathon. 10 KM Women's division. Charot. Marathon virgin. Promise! And de-virginizing moments are so worthwhile.

Simple preparations lang naman ang ginawa ng lola nyo. Sea salt body scrub, chocolate facial, refreshing eye treatment, teeth whitening, at slimming massage ang ritual para B.Y. Gabrielle na sa marathon. Echos! Syempre, sleep well, no alcohol the day before the run, enough hydration, at saging na malaki light breakfast para sa marathon na kay ganda!

Pagkarating sa City Hall MRT, marami na akong kasabay sa marathon - bata, matanda, babae, lalaki, pangit na bekla, nagmamagandang bekster, cute na straight, panget na uncle, masungit na auntie - basta, iba iba. GANDA KO LANG, DUH BAH!!! When I reached the Esplanade, may-I-deposit my bagellas de patatas to the bag deposit tent, and met up with friends at the starting point.

Sa kaka-hydra ng lola nyo, kinailangan nyang mag-CRet. Pitong portalet ang nilagay nila sa venue, at mistulang queue sya papuntang Ministry of Magic sa haba. So habang 'waiting for tonight' ang drama, nakarinig ang Caridad ng palakpakan. May celebrity? PM Lee, makikita ko na ba nang personal? Hindi. Runners ng 42K ang chini-cheerios ng mga tao. Palakpak din ako, in the spirit of the event. Iba pala ang nagagawa ng motivation na galing sa hiyaw at palakpak ng mga di mo kakilala. Masarap sa pakiramdam.

Nung tapos na ko sa pag-weewee, attack na sa starting line para sa pagsisimula ng takbo ng buhay (drama lang). Ang masasabi ko lang, masaya sya. It gives you a certain kind of high when you run with friends and with other people. After running the first kilometer, parang naglabas na ng happy hormones ang katawan ko. Iba pa rin yung nilalabasan ka sa sex, pero yung orgasm na nararamdaman mo sa pagtakbo ay kakaiba. Gusto mong ulitin. Gusto mong abusuhin ang katawan mo. Gusto mong maging high uli sa isang gawaing pagpapawisan ka nang husto. Gusto mong humingal uli. Gusto mong umungol sa sarap ng pakiramdam habang ang puso mo'y kumakarera sa daan.

Wala lang picture ang lola nyo. Ang hirap magbitbit ng camera habang lawit na ang tinggil sa katatakbo. Sorry naman. Eto lang yung nakalap ko sa internet, nung natapos ko na ang takbo kech (which I finished in 1H 20 minuettes!

due to refusal to buy online, I copied the specimen for the purpose of this blog.
nandyan ako, promise. laro tayo ng Where's Carrie?

clue: naka-blusang itim ako dito

malapit nyo na akong mahanap, sipatin lang nang maigi 


Looking forward na ko sa mga susunod pang patakbo. At target ko naman next year: half marathon. San ka pa, bibingka?

Maraming salamat sa mga bagong tagasubaybay ng aking blog. Nakakataba kayo ng pekpek. I swear, tumambok ang pukee ko. Haha!

Merry Christmas sa inyo!

HP7

Happy Pekpek to the 7th power. Hahaha... Echos lang

Randoms

Buenas diaz, Filipinas! Ni hao ma, Singapura! Hello, mundo!

Masalimuot ang buwan na ito para sa akin. Daming trabaho, daming problema. Pero keri pa rin. I'm alive, awake, enthusiastic! Char!

Salamat po sa mga bagong tagasubaybay ng mumunting blog na ito. Pag naglo-logon ako sa blogger at nakikita kong dumarami ang tagasunod, natutuwa ako. Pwamis. Yun ang una kong tinitignan sa dashboard. Chos! Hahaha.

@}---

Mama just celebrated her 50th birthday this month. I love you, mama! Di man kita mabigyan ng apo, I can still make you proud. :-)

@}---

Nagkita kami ni Bien aka Orally yours at ginawa ko syang updater ng mga blogs. Sige, friend, libre kita ng dessert, ano na nangyayari sa blogosphere? Ngyahaha. Parang sekretarya lang di ba? But we also caught up with a lot of stuff in our lives.

@}---

Ex-boyfriend and I are now friends, yet again. This ex of mine who un-friended me, be-friended me, then un-friended me again. He said he has forgiven me, has moved on, and has put behind him the past. So nice to make friends with a once special someone.

@}---

Keso, the codename for my inspiration (he's called keso for he's the cause of my cheesy FB statuses), is somewhere out there, where love can see us through. Char! He's having his vacay with his siblings. Its been weeks, and I terribly feel his absence. Victoria, ipikit mo lang yan, para hindi gaanong masakit. At yun, I just picture his face on my mind and I feel a bit alright. Konting tiis na lang, I'll see him again.

@}---

Ex-BF and keso are communicating. Ex told him to be always beside me and take care of our friendship. Channeling U2: that is the sweetest thing.

@}---

My guy, ate guy, the Fil-Chi guy with whom I was head over heels recently, and I caught up on the phone last night. I sent him a message greeting and he replied. I decided to call. It was a delightful conversation. Parang walang naging gap sa amin. It's been three months since I decided to stop communicating with him. The reason being is that it got to the point that it was unhealthy on my part. Yung mga emotional posts ko ang nagpatunay na naloka ako sa kanya.

Natuwa daw siya sa mga facebook posts ko. Mas malagkit pa kasi sa pitong kesong pizza ng Pizza Hut ang posts ko. He was glad that I let loose talking to him, unlike in our past conversations where I really hold back a lot of stuff in mind. I was anxious and conscious of what to say to him back then eh. Now, it's no-hold-barred, and he could sense from the tone of my voice that it's different and better than before.

Now, I do this thing to keso. Natawa si my guy, and told me to be myself all the time. He said he's happy for me and he's looking forward to meeting him. We realy had a very nice conversation, having discussed what has happened to us in the past few months, what's going on, and what's up in the near future.

@}---

Grabe, kanina lang sabi ko masalimuot ang buwan na ito, pero nung binilang ko ang mga blessings ko, it wasn't bad. Not bad at all. :-)

Happy weekend!

Puta Ring On It

Carrie is engaged.

Charot!

Mon (not his real name) and I went to have some kaya bread after a wacky body jam class in the evening. Wacky kasi he's not into it, but he can dance. The thing is, he just couldn't follow the instructor, so he danced to his heart's content. It was our first exercise together. After he took a shower and changed, he asked me to walk him to the reception of the club and spend some minutes at the coffee shop. So we were at the table, and he took out what seemed to be silver and cylindrical from his bag.

"Hulaan mo kung magkano 'to," said Mon.

"Wait..." We've done the guessing game before. On a shirt that I thought was $20 but then it was only $10.

So, I said, "$5?"

"Mahal. $2 lang. Jewelry shop. Sale eh."

Some guys just have an eye for good buys.

"Silver?" sounded like a stupid question, considering I already saw the color. Asar talo ako sa color argument namin dati. I was wearing a blue-green shirt, which I described to him simply as blue one time. Katakot-takot na pang-aalaska inabot ko sa kanya. Architecture graduate eh, so kelangan particular daw sa mga bagay-bagay - sa bilang, sa sakto, pati sa kulay.

"Hindi, stainless." Ewan ko kung namimilosopo, pero hindi naman nya ko binara. O baka nag-iingat na sya dahil madali akong mapikon.

"Suutin mo. Pag ayaw mo na sa akin, ibalik mo. Para di ka na mahirapang magsalita, kung sakali."

Kung sakali.

The morning before that conversation, I told him I woke up crying in tears. We already saw each other the night before that, and almost everyday. Apparently, he was more excited and happy to see me. I, on the other hand, was okay. We had a hearty quarter pounder meal at McDonald's, fried chicken at KFC, and kiwi-honey waffles at another shop. We really had a great time, but I felt different. I wasn't as happy as he was, and I felt that I was more happy in the early days of our meet ups. Or maybe the mood was getting in the way.

That's when I began to sense a fear that I might lose another good friend. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself, but I just feared I might reach the point of taking him for granted just because of the fact that he has greater love and joy for us.

So he gave lent me the ring to symbolize our lasting friendship. He assured me that he will never go. I told him that it wasn't about that. It was more for me that I would again end up wasting my chance at love.

After eating the toast, I bade him goodbye and went back to the gym to finish my training.

P.S. I have not gone to the bathhouse for three weeks and counting. So far, walang withdrawal symptoms. Haha.

How It Feels Like

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng ahas.

KALOKAH!

Being the freakin' regine, it's different. It gave me a new outlook to life. It was a learning and worthwhile experience.

Di pa ko nakaranas nang masulutan ng iniibig. Sa bathhouse, naranasan ko nang masulutan ng booking. Nasa harap ko na yung borta, may lumapit lang na mas maganda sa akin, naging hangin na. Masakit. Nakakapanghinayang. Pero ang mas malungkot, kung nabooking mo sya at di rin pala exciting yung sex nyo. Nadilaan mo nga sya pero hindi mo nasubo. Frustrating. So, alam ko ang feeling ng nasulutan.

Di pa ko nakaranas nang masulutan ng iniibig. At kung mangyari sa akin yun, sana buong puso kong tanggapin yung katotohanan na hindi kami para sa isa't isa. I remember my ex told me, nung kami pa, na sa dami ng pumormang lalaki sa kanya, mga magagandang lalaki talaga, pinili nyang manatili sa tabi ko. Ganda ko lang, di ba? Ang punto ko lang, kaibigan, eh kung uukol yan, bubukol yan. Kung kayo'y para sa isa't isa, kahit anong pang-aahas ang gawin ng ibang tao, hindi kayo malalayo. Ibig ding sabihin nyan, nasa sa tao yan kung bibigay sya sa tukso.

Pero di ko sinamantala ang kahinaan ng tao sa akin. Gusto kong ilahad ang buong storya kung paano ako nakipagkaibigan sa kaibigan ng aking kaibigan, at kung paano naging masalimuot ang takbo ng mga pangyayari. Pero iiwan ko iyon sa amin na lang. Sa tingin ng nasaktan, sinaktan ko sya para sa pansarili kong kaligayahan. Magmumukha lang akong defensive.

Sa tingin ng madla, ako ang nagkasala. Kung ito ma'y idadaan sa paglilitis, sa korte, malakas ang argumento ko.

Kasi kung guilty ang puso ko sa salang pagtatraydor, bakit ang saya ko at nagagawa kong magpost ng mga nakakaumay na statuses sa facebook? Bakit nakangiti ako sa paggising sa umaga? Bakit ang saya-saya ko pag kasama ko sya? At bakit hindi ako nagdalamhati sa isang lumisang kaibigan?

It's either I have a callous conscience or a clear one. I am pretty sure (hindi sa pagbubuhat ng sariling bangko), na hindi unscrupulous ang konsensya ko.

I told rowell that people will never understand what I did. I will only be judged and condemned for what is apparently snatching somebody else's prospects. Not catch, but prospects.

Bakit hindi ako guilty? Sincere yung intention kong makipagkaibigan dun sa guy eh. Ang tanging guilty lang ako eh yung maling approach para kaibiganin sya.

Nakakaloka talaga; ang complicated kasi.

Despite the complications, the guy got close to me. He accepted me for being the slut that I am. I may be a slut, but I'm the best slut there is. Chos!!!

It's ok if ex-friend wishes to shut me out of his life. He said I already committed too many transgressions or misdemeanors. Bakit hindi ako nagsisising nawala sya? I guess there was not enough investment in our friendship. True, there were good memories. True, we had good times and bad. But what I couldn't believe was he'd sharply remember my faults, as if listing them in his mind, so that when the time comes, he'd use it to sling against me.

I read Rudeboy's comment in John Stan's blog: all you need is to give people enough rope. I guess I used my friend's all up. At ang pagpapakita nya ng ugaling di ko inaakalang ilalabas nya ay sapat nang rason para hindi na ko magmakaawa pang ibalik ang pagkakaibigan.

Sa lahat ng mga nangyari, natutunan kong mahirap unawain ang ahas. Pero may mga ahas na may rason para gawin nila ang mga bagay na ginawa nila. Katanggap-tanggap man sa ibang tao o hindi, importante pa rin kung ano ang pinaniniwalaan nilang totoo at pinanghahawakang prinsipyo. Isa lang ang pwede mong gawin: panindigan ito o iwasan mong maging ganito. Kung tutuusin, mas magaan pa ang sitwasyon ko kesa sa dinaranas ng mga third party at querida. Wala kasing violence na naganap, pero sapat na emosyonal trauma ang naranasan ko para matuto nang husto sa sitwasyong ito.

For all it's worth, I felt regret at first, but I got very, very happy with my situation now. Major, major majorette na happy!

To An Ex-Friend

This is the first time I saw a friendship die due to circumstances I thought would not hurt our bond.

The past few days have been silent, and for you they were treacherous, cunning, and scheming. Because you suspected that I was doing something behind your back, that I was little by little taking away what's supposed to be yours. And that thought grew into the idea that I am betraying you, destroying your trust, and violating the sanctity that was respect for each other as friends. The past few days have been silent, because I was not communicating with you. The past few days were cunning, as I was seeing the guy you wanted to have a relationship with. The past few days proved that I chose a stranger over someone I've known longer, over whom I've bonded with.

It weakens me to hear your argument with the guy. It was over the phone, you didn't know that I was with him the time you called him. And even if I couldn't hear your end, it was very uncomfortable seeing him so tensed and distressed during the conversation. I couldn't imagine how furious you were at me for doing a crime -  acrime of passion. And what a great timing it was, that when he put his phone on my ear, you raised your voice saying you're shutting me out in your life. It was heart-breaking.

It was heart-breaking, because I cherish our friendship.

After that phone call, he was worn out, as if blood was sucked out of his system. I was disturbed. I couldn't hide the anxiety. The sadness and fear were overwhelming. I was sad that you refused to reach out and settle, and feared that you might cause greater damage by maligning me, knowing that you've kept some of my secrets.

That moment was like a nightmare. And I'm glad that I woke up from it. It dawned on me that I couldn't keep you as a friend.

I never thought you could do worse things to people. I had this high regard for your personality. You never speak ill of your ex, who gave you hell when you broke up. You never talk trash about people who have done you wrong. You got my respect there. But why did you tell him that 1) I'd never stop pestering a guy until I had sex with him; 2) that I hook up with a lot of guys (bumu-booking was the exact word); and 3) my show of goodness will always demand something in return.

What have I done to you to deserve that kind of feedback? You said that it started in your birthday party. I desecrated it by flirting with the guy. For Pete's sake, you made the guy act as your front to deflect your issues with the other two "admirers". At some point in your party, you made him feel insecure, when you were obliviously talking to one of them. He didn't want to drink but because of insecurities, he forced himself to take alcohol in order to endure what was happening. When we were talking, you asked us who should you choose betwen the two, and you literally discounted this guy from your selection. Paano ba maging kasing-ganda mo? That's not the point. Did I really commit a mortal sin for complimenting your guest?

Why didn't you just let me confess those things to him? The guy wanted friendship; I accepted his offer. And in order for me to bond with him, I had to lay all my cards to him. Yes, I like him. And that's all the reason I had to connect with him. And I also know that it will not progress to a relationship, because I wanted him to be straight. He's confused, and I don't want to mess his dream of having a family someday. But why discourage him to be friends with me by maligning me?

That was the reason I didn't want to tell you about our growing friendship. I knew you'd feel betrayed, you'd feel robbed, and that you'd be offended. But you hurt me by backstabbing me in the first place. You first violated the respect of friendship that we're supposed to follow. If I was silent all along, it was because I almost cried at the thought of what you said to the guy. All along, I thought you were a friend.

And he was never yours in the first place. You were never an item. Fine, you wanted to pursue him. But he didn't want to be chased. He wanted a confidant, not a lover. You refused that. I was approached, and I hesitated, because I considered you first and foremost. Eventually, I accepted the deal, because I knew what I was getting into.

Even this one.

He said that you uttered a lot of malicious things about me during your argument over the phone. I didn't want to hear that. I think you've already said the worse about me. I'm no righteous person, mind you, but what you did was unfair and foul. I am sad that we had a falling out just because of a guy. But it's even sadder to think that just for a guy, you could lash out a friend who was never competing with you in the first place.

Echoserye Ep 3 - Kaibigan Lang

"Balahura ka, friend!" exclaimed GC, a female friend. I couldn't justify my flirting with cute guy CG. He and the birthday celebrant was an item.

Or so I thought.

On facebook: CG has sent a message.

Think that I am doing a huge mistake, but I want to ask you if you can be my best friend? Literally... Someone I can trust. I am hopeless and I need someone. Just let me know whatever your decision is. Please don't tell (celebrant) first, surely he will be mad.

If having a boyfriend can be achieved in days or weeks, can a best friend be found in a day? Of course not, you have to earn it through years of bonding and mutual experiences.

We met up for dinner, just so we can discuss the problem that's been eating him up for a long time already. When I brought it up, he said he's not yet ready to reveal it. I wanted to smack him right there and then. But I can't. He looks adorable.

"Please don't think I'm the celebrants's boyfriend. We're not a couple."

I wasn't relieved by the statement or sad for my friend or remorse or whatever. I was glad I saw him again. That was all that mattered to me.

"Your friend wanted us to be more than just friends. I could only offer him my friendship. He said he already had a bestfriend. I felt dumped."

As I see it, my friend offered a relationship this guy couldn't accept, and so my friend must've thought he got dumped. This guy offered only friendship and my friend refused, and so the guy thought he got dumped.

We chatted for hours, and I poured my heart out to him. I told him about my past relationships, my bookings (and explained what a booking was), but I'm not yet ready to talk about the bathhouse. Too soon to tell him. He already got surprised about how sexually active I am. In other words, ako pa yung nag-confide sa kanya.

"Here's the deal. I want to have someone I could call my best friend. Someone I could trust and tell my secrets to. Someone I can sympathize with during times of personal crisis and problems. Someone I could hug.

"I can never be your boyfriend. You can expect me to cuddle with you in bed, hold me, kiss me, but no sex. No kissing on the lips, no exchange of fluids, no grabbing of the crotch, whatsoever.

"I'm still the type of person who wants to have a family, who wants to make love to a girl..."

"It's a deal." I answered, after a long silence and pondering.

I had to question his approaching a gay man to be his best friend. He said if I knew his problem, I would agree that he did the right choice of confidant, that I can only listen to his problems but may not offer solution, that I can never get involved in a complicated situation.

That ever elusive problem was the riddle of that night.

I guess people will never understand us for accepting each other as confidants.

Song of the Moment: Wish I Could

Lyrics:

I wonder where you are right now

Wish I could see you somehow

Can't seem to ease the pain

Since you've been gone nothing's been the same

How I wish you could've stayed awhile

How I wish that I could see you smile for me

Wish I could hold you in my arms

Keep you safe and keep you warm

But now all I can do

Is hope and long for you

You're in my mind every night and day

Wishing you're part of me in every way

'Coz all I wanted to do was to always be there for you

Wish that I could tell you just how much I love you

I guess I should not fear

'Coz I know God can hear (I know)

And He's telling me you're alright

And there's no need to worry

Oh my baby, I am so sorry (so sorry)

If I had known, maybe you could've been here with me

Wish I could hold you in my arms

Keep you safe and keep you warm

But now all I can do

Is hope and long for you, you, you, you

You're in my mind every night and day

Wishing you're part of me in every way

'Coz all I wanted to do was to always be there for you

How I wish I could hold you in my arms

Keep you safe and keep you warm

But now all I can do

Is hope and long for you

You're in my mind every night and day

Wishing you're part of me in every way

'Coz all I wanted to do (I wanted to do)

Was to always be there for you

Wish that I could tell you just how much I love you

(Wish I could)

Wish that I could tell you...that I love you

Echoserye ep 2 - Balahurang Bullfrog

Carrie has a nasty habit of flirting with someone else's catch. Back when he was in Manila, when he belonged to a group of gay guys, he was dallying with one of his friend's date. Although he didn't get ostracized, he never got his friends' respect ever since. Here in Singapore, he tried to have the person who's supposed to be set up for the birthday celebrant. This was in May. And just recently, he got enamored with a cute guy (CG) whom the celebrant likes so much.

Hear me out, readers. I may be one of the most evil anaconda on the face of the earth. I am owning my first mistake in Manila. That is one really inappropriate, crass, and just plain balahura thing in the world. The second incident is just all-is-fair-in-love-and-war thing (the celebrant was and is still in a relationship and he wanted the guy for his birthday - I know exhibit B to the court, proof that some gay men are swine).

This time, cute guy CG was not dating my celebrant-friend (CF) at all. But knowing the fact that CF liked him sets the boundaries. And I'm not supposed to cross that line.

Tell me, dear, handful readers of mine - why is Carrie such a Jane the snake?

Vortally Yours Pt 2

Vortally Yours Part 1

Vorta guy VG did not retaliate, after I put my arm on him. At first I thought his hand would push mine away, but it was only a knee-jerk reaction. After realizing there was no resistance, I stayed in the position for some time. Neng, kahit mangawit ako, nakayapos ako sa bewang nung tao. Haha. Desperada lang, db? Lihim ni Antonio moment ito.

When everyone was up, some of the guests left, and then only five of us stayed for breakfast. We chatted and the topic was VG's question on how and when CF got to know he was gay. CF, being the ever maboka person, almost told his life story of his emancipation. And then he asked the question back to VG. VG answered that it was absurd (syempre, hinuhuli namin eh). We rephrased the question, "have you ever considered going for the same sex? If a guy makes his move on you and wants to give you head, would you allow him?"

At that point, he was pondering on the question. At first, he couldn't get the question right, but when we explained it to him, he said he'd give in for the experience. And that gave him away. Even the night before, we asked him who among the gay guys he might wanna have sex with. His reply was a thought, rather than firm dismissal of the question.

That afternoon, we sent off a friend, went for a swim, and had wholesome fun in the water. VG raised another question: have you been to a gay orgy? CF said no. I said yes. Our other friend did not answer. I asked him, "Would you try it if given a chance?" He said yes - for the experience.

CF fired, "would you do it with us?"

VG affirmed.

CF lit up.

I knew where it was going.

We went back to the room. CF confirmed with VG if he was game. He asked me if I was in it, and I said yes. He asked our other friend, but he wasn't willing. I advised our other friend to stay in the bathroom until I knock as a signal that the deed was over.

It happened too fast. Like a plunge. It was now or never. There was hesitation. But the thought that this opportunity would never come again made me decide to try it out. Talo-talo na. We were all single. CF was horny as hell, VG was curious, and I was just plain kaladkarin. VG was starting to show signs of hesitation -of backing out - and we had to act fast before his interest wears out.

When we were done, I told my other friend to come out of the bathroom. I took a shower, while VG was at the sink, cleaning himself. He said goodbye and immediately left for an appointment for which he's running late.

We'd never expect we'd take the plunge. CF was not attracted to VG, but VG was interested at him. I, for one, wanted a piece of VG. Without CF's cheekiness, it wouldn't have happened. I wasn't cocky enough to make sexual advances to VG. Ang nagagawa naman ng libog at peer pressure, di ba? Ani Kane, gay men are swine. Ngyahahaha!

I was just happy that the party was full of fun, laughter, and togetherness. I didn't know an after-party thing was going to happen the next day.

Vortally Yours Pt 1

It was a birthday party blast, held in one of the chalets in the east side. It was a get-together to remember - old friends who haven't seen each other for a long time, new friends got introduced, and cuties came to mingle. Of all the guests, vorta guy VG was the apple of my eye. He came with his gym stuff, wearing a black cotton singlet and board shorts so long it made him appear shorter (he stands 5'6"). His face was average, but his nicely sculpted upper body, smooth tanned skin, and boyish aura compensated for it. He caught the attention of some of the PLU guys in the party. Some acted as if they were single, when they're partner was not in that party.

Me and close friend CF haven't confirmed if VG's gay. We see him at the gym, most of the time talking to CF. CF told me I always ignored him because he was scrawny back in the day. But the thing is, we never got introduced until the night of the party, so VG really doesn't know me at all. But CF was all miss congeniality at the gym that he talks to almost anyone he meets in the studio for group exercise. VG also attends the same class as CF, and CF befriended him last year. After a few months, VG went from scrawny to brawny, through self-learned weight training and determination to get big. And so, the insignificant became interesting.

CF said he and VG would always plan something like having a meal after gym, but it didn't push through for some reason. He was surprised that VG showed up for the party. CF had a hunch VG is gay, but he had no proof. We had no proof, until the following day.

When midnight struck, karaoke was on. I was the designated tequila tender. At first, I was giving out really high shots. Sorry, amateur eh. But I made it a point that VG gets plenty of spirits that night. Hihihi. He was receiving with no question, as he was pretty much game for anything that night. I know I was so scheming.

But karma took the best of me. I was the first one to drop down drunk. Later on, the gays would tell me that I was competing with the sounds. I now hold the record for the loudest snore in the group. They would turn the mic to me to amplify the noise I was making, while some song was being played. "Oh, Carrie, ikaw naman." Haha, mga walanghiya.

I woke up with my head throbbing like hell. The karaoke was finished, and every one had his own spot for sleeping. VG was beside me. He was laying face down, his fleshy shoulders facing me. I stared at him, from hair to butt, which was something. The hangover didn't stop me from beholding him.

I went to the bathroom to pee. Then I drank a glass of water to ease the hangover. I went back to my spot since it was only 6 am, and I wanted to sleep through the headache.

VG turned around and put his arms above his head. His armpit had nice hair and it was fair. The chest was wonderful, with his man-nips bakat from the singlet. The midsection was narrow and looks tight, and the bulge in his shorts was like icing on the cake, waiting to be licked.

It took me some time to muster my guts. After making small movements as if struggling to get some sleep while touching him, I put my arms on his waist without getting retaliation.

(Tsuzuku)

Jennifer, Jennifer - Nasan Ka?

"Guys, may ikukumpisal ako sa inyo."

Anticipated silence.

"I'm a gay."

Bumigay na ako sa pressure. Lasing ako nun, nakayuko, at tila tulalang nag-aantay ng dramtic cue kay Direk. Kasalanan ko naman, di ko maipakilala si "Jennifer", ang nagkukunwaring girlfriend na sa totoong buhay ay bakla din pala. Masyadong inconsistent ang mga kwento ko tungkol sa amin. Maraming loopholes. At madalas nilang nakikitang kasama ko ay hombre kesa merlat. Tuwing sumasama ako sa tagayan, di maiiwasang mapag-usapan ang ganitong mga bagay. Sa inuman, ang pulutan ay sex, love life, at kung si ganito ba ay bakla.

Pag nagkakayayaang mag-inuman, iwas na iwas na ako sa usaping relasyon. Sa paksang sex, nagkukunwari akong may karanasan, samantalang ang mga sinasabi ko ay nababasa ko lang sa xerex, sa wiki, at sa porn.

Bakit gusto nila akong hulihin? Bakit ayaw kong magpahuli?

Ang tao ay likas na mapagtanong. Kumbaga, usisero. Tsismoso. Hehe. Sa barkadang purong lalaki, di maiiwasan ang spekulasyon sa isang katoto na may kakaibang kinikilos. Bakit wala ka pang girlfriend? Sino kasama mo nung isang araw? Sino kausap mo sa telepono at bakit kayo nagsisigawan? Bakit madalas kayong magkasama ni ganito?

Mga tanong na di mamatay-matay pag di mo sinagot. At pag sinagot mo naman, may follow-up. At sasagutin mo ito ng isa pang kasinungalingan. Syempre, ikaw, mapipilitan kang humabi ng isang ginantsilyong kwento tungkol sa love life mo na hindi totoo. At pag nagkamali ka ng sulsi, lagot na ang kabuuan ng iyong piyesa.

Nung nalaman na ng barkada ko ang totoo, givenchy na ang acceptance.

"Tol, tanggap ka pa rin namin."

"Ayos lang yan. Barkada ka pa rin."

"Baka sa susunod naka-damit pambabae ka na ha." Naman. Di ko magagawa yan, kahit winish kong kasing hubog ko si Venus Raj at suot-suot ko ang mga sinuot nya sa Ms Universe, hanggang imahinasyon na lang ang ganyang pagtatangka.

"Alam na namin, hinihintay ka lang naming umamin." Tignan mo, talagang mamamatay lang ang alab ng pag-usisa pag inamin mo na sa kanila. Syempre, hindi pa natatapos dyan, iku-kwento mo pa sa kanila yung totoo. Syempre, parehong storya, iniba lang ang karakter. Ise-share ko na rin sana yung nagaganap sa kama, kaya lang ayaw nilang marinig. LOL.

Bakit ayaw kong magpahuli sa kanila? Ayokong magpahuli, kasi andun pa yung takot ko na mag-iiba ang tingin sa akin ng barkada. Baka isipin nilang niloloko ko sila, o kaya may lihim na pagtingin sa isa sa kanila at nagkukunwaring maging bahagi ng barkada para makasama sa mga inuman. Pero sa panahon ngayon, bukas na ang utak at kamalayan ng tao sa kabaklaan.

Nirirespeto nila ang kasarian ko, pero kung sinusuportahan nila ang mga ginagawa ko, hindi ko masabi. Basta, nandun yung mungkahi nilang maging ligtas ako sa mga "chorva" ko.

Dating nagkukuwari akong maging butch sa inuman; ngayon pwede na kong maging ako sa kanila. Hindi naman ako malambot na malambot, o nagtutumili habang kausap sila, pero malaya akong magbiro at gumamit ng gay lingo nang hindi napagdududahang bakla. Kasi alam nilang galing sa bakla. Meron pa nga sa kanila, umaasang magbabalik-loob ako. Natutuwa ako na may kaibigan akong busilak ang intensyon nila para sa akin. Ewan ko kung hindi pa rin nila matanggap ang tungkol sa akin. I think they still believe that someday I'll have a change of heart. Matagal na akong pusong mamon eh.

Matapos ng aking pag-amin, iba naman ang pinuntirya nilang lumabas. Na para bang may misyon silang ilabas ang lahat ng bakla sa barkada. Haha.

Echoserye ep 1 - Nang Magmaganda si Petra

"Thanks for going out with me tonight."

"No, I should thank you for asking me out. Kumusta ang Singapore?"

"Singapura pa rin, walang pinagbago. Same old, same old."

...

It was a friendly date. Friendly, but arranged. I asked if he could be my date on my birthday. I thought his partner was away, as in out of the country, as the latter's a frequent traveller. Before he went back to Manila to settle for good, he was working here in Singapore. We got introduced, he knew I liked him, we went out once, and I had one of the sweetest yet painful memories I could keep with me. At that time, I never felt like an option. Because I was not an option at all.

Six bottles of beer later, I blurted something I wished innards were the ones thrown up instead. I told him we could always be friends. For me, he was the partner I could never have.

He understood that it wasn't the alcohol talking. It was still myself with inhibitions killed by the spirits.

He argued that if given the chance in the past, we could've been a couple. I wanted to believe that.

Before he returned to Manila for good, he had a crazy but fun and worthwhile time here. Crazy in the sense that work was hectic, the schedule unbearable especially in his industry, and the professional demands are high. But it was fun and worthwhile because he had friends to hang out with, admirers who liked him, and suitors who pursued him.

Now, he's working in a major, major, super major company in Manila, where he's exposed to really good looking people, and he's being presented with offers for even greater exposure through media. But he refused that. He's a fairly simple person. He tells me how people would want to have a piece of him - sexually or intimately, but he doesn't succumb to that. He doesn't have time for that, and that he's very focused on his budding career. He lives a very healthy lifestyle and keeps a good set of friends around him. You could consider him trophy boyfriend, yes.

After I spilled the beans to him, he revealed that he split up with his partner.

Regardless of anything, I wanted to believe that we could've had a chance. Do you think if  a couple of nice, well-off Caucasians never pursued you in the past, would you go for an average Pinoy worker, if you're based in Singapore? I'm not belittling myself. Nor am I type-casting him as a typical white chaser. Singapore has it's share of beautiful people, and the lucky ones have fortune on their side.

For me, if you really like the person, no matter who are presented in front of you, you will choose that person.

I wanted to entertain the possibility that was mentioned, but I think it's not gonna happen for us.

He's a good person, though. And I didn't want to lose him as a friend. I never felt this way towards a guy: I would shut out a person if I found out I'm just an option and realizing there'd be no chance for us at all. But he's different. This is different.

It was a friendly date that had almost gone bad. I shouldn't have brought up the topic of frustrated affairs. But for what it's worth, we put formal closure to an unsettled business in the past. Nevertheless, I had a great time with him on the eve of my birthday.

Major Major Thank You!

Isang malaking malaking salamat. At Theeeeeeeeeeeeeenkyu! Borrowing from YJ.

Sa lahat ng mga bumati sa akin nung kaarawan ko. Nahipo nyo ko sa mga bati nyo.

Salamat sa isang makabagbag-damdaming blog entry, Bien.

Salamat sa mga bloggers na nakipagkita sa akin nung ako'y mapadpad this month sa Maynila.

Sa mga di pa bumabati, di pa po huli. Batiin nyo ko, babatiin ko rin kayo. Magbatian tayo. LOL Char!

Indak-y

It's been a while since I heard from Ms Braxton. The singer of "Another Sad Love Song" and "He Wasn't Man Enough" is out with Make My Heart - which will be part of the Body Jam release 54 track list. I dunno if this has become a hit yet, but the groove and feel of this song is just infectious. A happy song I would wanna play on my iPod in a loop. My shoulders couldn't help but move to the music while composing this post. Lurvely!



Lyrics courtesy of www.directlyrics.com

http://www.directlyrics.com/toni-braxton-make-my-heart-lyrics.html

VERSE 1: You pull me close/ I get this kind of reaction yea(everywhere)
Can you feel my pulse/ My heart is beating faster yea(from this love affair)
And it would be only you/ Talking in my ear/ Your lips are so beautiful/ Ooh I want them near
Your eyes, they undress me/ Don't make me confess it/
The things you make me do/ Guess now i'm outta control


CHORUS:
And you make heart/ You make me dance, sweat out my hair(ohoh ohoh)
Go flying out, flippin in the air(ohoh ohoh,make my heart)
Get pumped enough/ Comin outta my clothes(you know you do it for me yes you do) oh oh(make my heart)
Dum dum dum dum dum/ Dum dum dum dum dum
(Make my heart) Dum dum dum dum dum/ Dum dum dum dum dum...Woooo!


VERSE 2:
Adrenaline rush/ You whisper I get sucked in here(Ahh looked here)
My heart bangs like drums/ The sound of pure seduction yea-ea-eah(Ooh, take me there)
And it would be only you/ Talking in my ear/ Your lips are so beautiful/ Ooh I want them near
Your eyes, they undress me/ Don't make me confess it/
The things you make me do/ Guess now i'm outta control

CHORUS:

And you make heart/ You make me dance, sweat out my hair(ohoh ohoh)
Go flying out, flippin in the air(ohoh ohoh,make my heart)
Get pumped enough/ Comin outta my clothes(you know you do it for me yes you do) oh oh(make my heart)
Dum dum dum dum dum/ Dum dum dum dum dum
(Make my heart) Dum dum dum dum dum/ Dum dum dum dum dum(make my heart)
Dum dum dum dum dum/ Dum dum dum dum dum
(Make my heart) Dum dum dum dum dum/ Dum dum dum dum dum(make my heart)

BRIDGE:
Oooh you made this woman, have a break-a-down in my heart(REPEAT 3 times)

And you make my heart(ohoh ohoh)
And make my heart(ohoh ohoh)
Make my heart(Get pumped enough...Comin outta clothes)
Make my heart(The ones that fall, drop like dominoes)
And you make my heart
Dum dum dum dum dum/ Dum dum dum dum dum
(Make my heart) Dum dum dum dum dum/ Dum dum dum dum dum(make my heart)
Dum dum dum dum dum/ Dum dum dum dum dum
(Make my heart) Dum dum dum dum dum/ Dum dum dum dum dum(make my heart)
Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum!

Love Ko Na Sya

White guy singing Parokya ni Edgar's "Buloy". I thought the twang was somehow cute. I cringed very few times, but for the most part it makes him adorable and makalaglag-something. Hahaha.

Enjoy the vid. Happy weekend, readers. :-)

Random

If promising things are written in the palm of your hands, make it happen. Good things come to those who wait... and grand ones to those who persevere.

But if fate looks callous and grim, one has the power to change it. The lines of destiny are not constant and permanent, and it's not up to the stars to decide upon that.

***

Absence makes the heart grow fonder... and the groins go gaga.

In places of normalcy, you're missed. To friends and loved ones, you're being welcomed and entertained.

In other places, the bees want your nectar. You're not the usual wall flower.

Either way, you enjoy the reception.

***

I used to think that comets go back to the sun to re-charge their energy in order to shoot away to space again. I thought comets travel fast and far in the universe and then go back to any star to restore their momentum and brightness. I'd like to believe that comets are awesome bearers of good omens, and inspiring objects that people observe on earth.

I am like a comet. And home is the sun that brings back my energy and zest for life. Friends are gravitational forces that make me orbit wonderfully in this universe. Family gives me the energy that fuels the passion to traverse the far-reaching space that's ahead of me.

We Go Deep (aka Lady is a Tramp)

May dalaw ang lola Barang nyo today - slight depression, kaya di makapagsulat. Imbes na mag-gym kagabi, Myerkules, lafangstra to the maxtra with matching take home na ice cream at kain sa kwarto. Bunggang indulgence baga.

Speaking of indulgence, I met a guy who took me to his flat the other day, Tuesday. After I went to see a friend in the city, I decided to visit the sauna around 7 pm. There were only a handful of guys, and this dark Malaysian truly Asian guy saw me, smiled, and signalled to go to a room with him.

When we locked ourselves into one of the cubicle rooms, we did as any two bathhouse horndogs would. As we made passionate kisses, he groped my ass while I was fondling his manhood.

It was promising. You know those big token keys given to winning owners of house and lots in a TV game show or raffle bonanzas? The ones that you need to carry with two hands? Not that big, but as soon as I touched it, I knew I'd have a good time with it. If it was a commercial, I'd have blurted out, "it's king size for the size queen!" LOL

While I was stroking his king cobra, he whispered if I could come with him to his apartment and spend the night there. He said he wanted to do me all night. I had second thoughts, but after thinking that there were only a few people to fool around with, I agreed to leave the sauna with him.

When we reached his place, he offered to have dinner. We both started to get hungry on the way anyway, so we dropped by one of his favorite restaurants just below his flat. In our conversation, I learned that he has a caucasian lover who travels a lot. He mentions him a couple of times, as delicious food is being served. He was nice and accommodating, and I wanted to get laid so all i cared about is his company.

After dinner, we went up to his flat for seconds. We undressed and kissed torridly in his room. His komodo dragon got so hard easily that foreplay was a breeze. He ate my breakfast taco for supper. I was so aroused and turned on, it gave me a woody. Then he sucked my junior good enough to condition myself to the main event.

He took out his paraphernalia for the baloney colonic - a box of rubber and a bottle of lube. Opening act: the missionaries. Different strokes, rhythmic pokes. Varying angles and degrees of pleasure. He dug deep as he plunged to me for kissing.

He re-opened the deep excavation of Carrie.

Afraid of archeological debris, I told him I had to go to the loo so he'd stop. The drilling didn't last for five minutes. Besides, we just had dinner, so I cannot be blamed if I suddenly felt like there's this giant supposutory feeling down under.

I was glad the toilet has a chocolate starfish shower - a bidet. An enema in disguise. Hihi. It took me longer to wash up than our fuck, so when I was done cleaning rosebud, he was wondering if I was okay, to which I said yes. We carried on - this time, it was more intense, more wild, as if I left him hanging in the air a while ago, and now he wants to get back at me - more like get behind me.

And so we did it in the living room. There was a set of couches - two solos on one side and one long sofa on the other. I'll never forget those fine upholstery. They were witnesses - and instruments - to the act. There, he continued his exploration in the deep horizon. It's as if he hit gold several times, but couldn't care about it. He's more happy with the digging. As I was.

Then we head to the dining area. The table had no lazy susan, but I became layla dee. He was rocking the table, like a busy construction worker with his jack hammer, or a restless Viking with his battering ram. He knew how to use his tool, and he used it really well. As he was doggying me on the edge of the table, we felt something drip and spill. The whole apartment was dark, and lighting was dependent on street lamps outside his loft. The floor was of white tiles, and we saw a small splotch below us. This is the only instance where you don't want door gifts at a party.

After cleaning up, it's round 3. Back to his room, in his bed.

(hanggang dito na muna)

I Came To Have A Party

Life's A Candy and the Sun's a Ball of Butter

I decided to give this post such a title, para may pagka-unconventional.

Parang movie na When Love Begins, na hango sa kantang "One Hello". Or ang seryeng Habang Kapiling Ka na hinugot sa liriko ng "Kahit Na".

Marami pang mga series at movie titles na hindi yun yung title ng themesong, pero kinuha sa lyrics ng theme song at yun ang ginamit na titulo ng katha. O, d b?
 


Lyrics - Don't rain On My Parade

Don't tell me not to live,
Just sit and putter,
Life's candy and the sun's
A ball of butter.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade!
Don't tell me not to fly--
I've simply got to.
If someone takes a spill,
It's me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade!
I'll march my band out,

I'll beat my drum,
And if I’m fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir.
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it!
But whether I’m the rose
Of sheer perfection,
Or freckle on the nose
Of life's complexion,
The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye,


I gotta fly once,
I gotta try once,
Oh, can die once, right, sir?
Ooh, love is juicy,
Juicy, and you see
I gotta have my bite, sir!


Get ready for me, love,
’cause I’m a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade!


I'm gonna live and live now,
Get what I want--I know how,
One roll for the whole shebang,
One throw, that bell will go clang,
Eye on the target--and wham--
One shot, one gun shot, and bam--
Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am!


I'll march my band out,
I will beat my drum,
And if I’m fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir,
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it.


Get ready for me, love,
'cause I’m a "comer,"
I simply gotta march,
My heart's a drummer.
Nobody, no, nobody
Is gonna rain on my parade!

Song of the Moment: Secrets By OneRepublic

I caught The Sorcerer's Apprentice last night. This song made a mark in my mind.

There are 12 songs in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, but Secrets by OneRepublic is the song that most people will probably be looking for from the soundtrack. The song first plays when apprentice Dave is listening to the radio in his Tesla lab. An instrumental version plays again when Dave and Becky are in the cage in the middle of the lab and he’s playing music with the electric arcs. Secrets plays one last time when Dave and Becky kiss.

source: http://reelsoundtrack.wordpress.com/2010/07/15/sorcerers-apprentice-soundtrack/Enjoy the soundtrack. :-)



Lyrics c/o http://www.directlyrics.com.com/onerepublic-secrets-lyrics.html

I need another story

Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til' all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Chorus:
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away


My god, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line

I'm gonna give all my secrets away
So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, All my secrets away

Postscript: the hot guys of the movie

Gregory Woo (woohoo!)

Ethan Peck

Ikakasal Na Sya

I was entering the gym when someone blocked my way - a friend of mine whom I haven't seen in a while. Kumustahan kami habang iniabot sa reception ang mga membership cards namin for verification. I suggested that we work out together. He agreed to follow what I was planning to do that night. Back and biceps workout ang plano ko eh.

Prior to meeting him, I had pork sinigang and lechong kawali and the ulam was a little too much and tasty, that one cup of rice wasn't enough. Talo-talo na ang Century tuna hot bod na pinaghirapan ko. Chos!

When the recep handed back our cards, we went up to the locker room to change. Nung nasa changing room na kami, we chose na magkatabing locker and as he saw me undress, he quipped, "kala ko may abs ka." It's like saying, "pumayat ka lang, pero wala ka naman palang pandesal."

"Kashe I wash bagong-kaehn eh," sa loob-loob ko. "Hindi ako nagka-crunches eh. Tamad akong mag-sit ups," nasabi ko.

Actually, five months ago, ako ang stocky, sya ang totoy-balingkinitan. Ngayon, ako ang payat, sya naman ang tumaba, pero di tabang stocky, kundi bumilog lang ang mukha at nagkabilbil lang nang kaunti. Biente-dos eh. Pag bata pa o batang-tignan, keri ang baby fats.

So, back exercises. Pull ups, rows, lat pull downs, machines, crunches, bicep curls, spiral curls, cupid curls, corkscrew curls - ay, mali! At 30 minutes sa treadmill. Todong workout talaga. Isa't kalahating oras kami sa gym para matunaw ang kinain ko, at para gutumin sya nang lubos.

"Marami-rami kakainin ko nito mamaya," sabi nya.

"Uy, sira ka. Sayang winork-out natin ngayon. Ano ba kinakain mo sa gabi?"

"Ampalaya." Ok. Pwede.

"Sardinas... na may itlog". Sarsyado. Sabi ko, tanggalin ang pula. Ayaw nya.

"Chicken." Pwede, tanggalin lang ang balat.

"Balat? Eh chicken popcorn yung binili ko." Ayos.
"Invite kita sa kasal ko." Aniya, after a few minutes of concentrating on our run. Nasa treadmill kami, tumatakbo.

"Sino tong pakakasalan mo?" Ikako.

"Katrabaho ko."

Recollecting Bien's entry, naintriga ako sa sitwasyon nya.

"Ano pangalan?" tanong ko.

Binanggit nya ang name na hindi pangalan ng pakakasalan ni Bien. Hahaha. Baka magkonek eh. Hindi naman pala. Hehehe.

"Bakit mo naman pakakasalan?" sabi ko.

"Nagkabiruan lang. Ambait kasi. So sabi ko, pag ganyan ka palagi sa akin, pakakasalan kita. Matapos nun, binabanggit na nya sa akin yung tungkol dun."

"Ganun? Gaano katagal na ba kayong magkakilala at gaano katagal na kayong kayo?"

Sabi nya, dalawang taong magkakilala at ilang buwan nang sila. Pero di pa final ang lahat. Pinag-iisipan nya ang bagay. Kelangan pa niyang pag-aralan ang relihiyong Muslim ng isang taon kung pakakasalan nya yung katrabaho nya.

Kahit ako, na-bore sa sinusulat ko. Anyway...

I wish him well. All the best, talaga.

Magkikita uli kami mamaya for chest, shoulders, and triceps exercise.

Back to Basics

Multi-tasking bonanza ang tema ng linggong ito. I'm finishing programming tasks at work, catching up on my blog list, reviewing for upcoming interviews, preparing for a presentation, and blogging. Kung mga bolang crystal ang mga nabanggit, para na akong nagsi-cirque du soleil sa desk - with matching somer sault at one-hand balancing stand sa chair. Bunggang bunggang bungalow!


Naisip ko na ring isulat ang blog entry na ito. Kasi, sa tinagal ko dito sa trabaho, sobrang malala na ang comfort zone ko at bumaba na ang learning curve ko sa field dahil routinary na ang lahat ng ginagawa ko. Hindi rin naman ako nabibigyan ng bagong gawaing-bahay at pakiramdam ko eh hinhintay na rin akong magpaalam.

Na-realize ko rin na madami na akong nakalimutang konsepto na kelangang balikan at aralin. Mga bagay na ginagawa ko pero hindi mo na maalala kung ano ang tawag. Palibhasa, napalitan na ng mga terminong sex, blowjob, felatio, sixty nine, sauna, anal, at kung ano ano pang bagay ang laman ng brain cells ko. I need to refresh. I need to get back to basic knowledge.

Kung dati, ang motto ko sa buhay ay "pwede na itey". Ngayon, ang mantra ko, "don't settle for anything less."

Malapit na rin ang isang maikling bakasyon.

James Joyce Jimenez

I was listening to the morning rush top 10 podcast for date 22-July-2010, and they mentioned the website http://iwl.me/. This website analyzes the writing style based on certain paragraphs that one enters in the website's text box. I entered an excerpt from my previous blog post "Interpretations of In Somnis Veritas by Red the Mod (part I)". The result that I got was: I write like James Joyce.

How about you, what's your writing style like? I know we believe in individuality and originality and how a single piece of writing may not fully describe the entirety of our style, but I was just curious as to whom my writing would be compared. Look at my badge below.

I write like
James Joyce

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Addendum: I tried entering another set of paragraphs from one of my drafts and the result was another badge: Elizabeth Barret Browning. Echos! Leo Tolstoy naman daw. For fun lang.

Thursday Ala Mode

[Carrie:] Biencei...


[Biencei:] What?


[C:] Over there


[B:] What?


[C:] Look


[B:] Where?


[C:] Hold up don't turn your head. Just slowly turn your head


[B:] oh yes


[C:] That Chinese guy is looking at our direction


[B:] Girl...


[C:] He's definitly checking you out

[B:] No. He's checking you out.


[C:] You're the one facing his direction, he's checking you out.


Dinoktor na lyrics ng Apple Pie Ala Mode ng Destiny's Child. Nag-eechusan kami ni Bien aka orally yours. Yes, we had an SEB. A special eye ball. Ching-a-ling. It was our second time to meet, this time it was for dessert. I made kulit to him to make libre for some ice cream. He succumbed to my desires - este, request.

He was kind enough to accommodate me last night. Super duper thankaloo sa cherry garcia at dark choco ice cream on waffle. It definitely satisfied my craving for some sugar... daddy. Echos!
 

Dalawa lang nakuha kong photos. Tama na yan for an seb with a blogger.
 

Bien in black

Sa tingin nyo, alin ang mas masarap kainin, yung nasa ibabaw ng lamesa o nasa ilalim? Hahahaha! Echos lang. Walang mahalay mendez na nangyari sa amin, noh. Purely wholesome meet up lang. Wala nang iba! Wag nang mag-speculate, please. Friendly get-together lang ang lahat. Ako na ang Secretary of Defense (defensive)! Hahaha!

I had a great time chatting with Bien last night. Next time, libre kita sa hawker cenner. Choz! I love you, mare.

Game Time

Bored ako sa work, at walang mai-post. So, mag-post ako ng guessing game ala words with blogger friends.

How fast can you guess these words? Guess and time yourselves, my (handful of) readers.



1. BOO_S

2. _ _ NDOMS

3. P_N_S

4. F_ _ K

5. PU_S_

6. S_X

Missing A Lot

I hate myself for not booking any ticket to Manila this month. I have so missed a lot: Kane's birthday ball, and the book launch. And this time, the Saturday Soju party. Ok, I just assumed na baka maimbitahan ako (kung nasa Manila akes), kasi friend ko naman si McVie. Pero kung hindi, gate-crash na lang ako sa party. Echoz.

I am like yaya - such a loser.

MBLAQ

MBLAQ, (엠블랙, an acronym for Music Boys Live in Absolute Quality) is a South Korean quintet boy band created by Korean pop R&B singer Rain under his label J.Tune Entertainment. The members include Yang Seung Ho (양승호). Jung Byung Hee (정병희) Lee Changsun (이창선) Park Sang Hyun (박상현) Bang Cheol Yong (방철용). The group debuted in October 9, 2009 at Rain's Legend of Rainism concert. On October 14, 2009 the group released their debut single album, "Just BLAQ", which topped various on-line and off-line music charts in South Korea.[1] The group then released their second single Y in May 18, 2010.

 (more info on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MBLAQ)

I just like the first ten seconds where I think features Rain's yummy back. I think.

Despite the Despicable

As I think about the question of whether I'd choose someone who likes me over someone whom I like, or the other way around, I just wished I'd find someone with mutual sentiments.

Yung previous relationship ko, my ex loved me more than I loved him. I ended up taking him for granted. I ended up cheating behind his back. I ended up manipulating him.

This time, I think I like the person more than he likes me. Ikanga ni Mugen, ang unang magsabi ng "I love you" ang talo. He once teased nga "Mahal mo na ko, no. Sabihin mo nang I love you." To which I replied, "I'd like to. Actually, I love you na". Ampotah, Marymount School for girls lang.

"... but I wanna say it in the right time... And isn't it much sweeter if the other person replies back with the same?" Not that I was expecting it; just stating an ideal. OK. I was kinda expecting it.

Oo na, graduate na ko ng Assumption batch 1970, at heto pa rin ako ngayon. Set aside nyo muna ang judgment. Marinate for 24 hours, ok?

Looking back at the time I said that, I think I laid out everything on the table.

Last weekend, I caught "Despicable Me". I went to see it alone, kasi gusto kong malibang. Gusto kong lumihis ang isip ko sa taong kinahuhumalingan ko. In the end, hindi ako nalibang. Nabowang lang ako sa nangyari sa akin. Cry me a river ang soundtrack ng pelikula. Crayola oil pastel talaga ang tema ng araw. It was because of this little girl named Agnes in the movie. She was the girl with the doll unicorn.

This is how I loved Agnes, and how she made my eyes well up. Despite the despicable appearance of Gru, Agnes the little girl embraced him and never let go (she was hanging on to his leg during the time Gru picked them up to be brought home). She was excited, more than the other two girls Margo and Edith. In another scene, when the doll unicorn was disintegrated, she didn't throw any tantrums. She held her breath and passed out (or so it seemed) until Gru gave in. When her doll was replaced by a sloppy improvisation of her favorite toy, she did not complain. She even said it was beautiful.

She was the perfect example of pure, innocent love. She was the innocence that vanished in my heart long, long time ago.

Agnes broke my heart into a million pieces. I loved her more than the cute yellow minions of Gru in that movie. Agnes' character looked through the eyes of love. And I wished I had that innocence, the vision through love, and the heart of the pure. No matter how much she loved and lost something, she never lost the love she had in her heart.

My soul, my heart, my self are very wounded and jaded. My emotions are much attached to the material, to what is seen and felt, and not to what is essential. I have obsessed myself on someone I barely know, someone I almost opened my heart and soul to, someone who I feel and suspect doesn't care much about me.

Syet, sumerseryoso ang tono ko. Nag-eemmodium na naman ako.

Anywhoo, my friends and my readers have supported me and have given me advice to get over this emotera and pathetic state. Ang hirap, but I'm trying.

Ano na nga ulit ang point ko? Ah! Short term amnesia, kumusta ka?

If I'd choose someone who likes me over someone whom I like, or the other way around, I wished I'd find someone with mutual (and equal) sentiments. But that's impossible. Either one of us would have a greater passion for the other. One would have a greater obsession over the other.

Yun lang. May mai-blog lang. Choz.

Paano ba maging ikaw, baklang cockroach? Yung tipong aabot ng 500th monthsary ang episode ng buhay?

On Being a Bekimon

Knowsline chinatown konachi that my bunsong kapatid is a jejemon. Pero chiz whiz ko yata ma-attain boom boom ang pagiging bekimon belle. Ang jirap kayang magjulat at mag-hanashi na katulad ng isang full pledged bekimon boom boom kylie. Imagine, ang tawa ng bekimon - bekbekbek!or bakekekekekeke... syet.

Bekimon is amusing.

Andami kong natutunan kay Bekimon. Portugal (matagal), capital M! capital M! M! M! M! for emberna mae (imbyerna, or inis or asar), "correctional, babaeng kriminal, nahulog sa kanal, patay!" (translation: tama ka jan, teh) at Mesopotamia (supot). Hahaha. Kalokah. If you follow the Bekimon series on YouTube, That's Entertainment na, sineskwelang pambeki mae pa.

Watch na lang kayo nito: what if Bekimon ang newscaster? Happy weekend, mga utawbelles!

"Headline Fail"

A friend of mine on facebook quipped that "Reuters is not immune to headline fail". Any better titles for the article below?

Tired Gay succumbs to Dix in 200 meters

(http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6622I420100703)

Oregon (Reuters) - Olympic bronze medalist Walter Dix edged out Tyson Gay in the former world champion's hotly-anticipated return to the 200 meters at the Prefontaine Classic Diamond League meeting on Saturday.



In the 110 meters hurdles, American David Oliver recorded the fourth fastest 110 meters hurdles of all time with a 12.90 second run.


Gay, who has been battling a nagging hamstring problem for seven weeks, ran his first 200 of the year in 19.76 seconds to finish just shy of Dix, who took control coming off the bend and stayed in front to win in 19.72.


"It wasn't bad, but I was a little fatigued toward the end," Gay said. "I tried to stay relaxed and bring it home, but it wasn't enough."


Dix, who won the 100 meters and placed second at the U.S. nationals last weekend, said his race experience had helped, "but I'm a little beat up, too."


"I was a little sloppy out of the blocks, but I was able to hold on," he added. "Tyson gave me great competition."


Oliver, the Olympic bronze medalist, equaled Dominique Arnold's national record with his second consecutive lifetime best. He ran 12.93 to win the U.S. championships last Sunday.


Only world record holder Dayron Robles (12.87) of Cuba and China's Liu Xiang have run faster.


"I didn't get a great start but I brought it home," Oliver said.


The American left countryman Ryan Wilson (13.16) well behind in second spot.


Jamaican Veronica Campbell-Brown, the Olympic 200 champion, surprised a talented 100 field with a personal best and season-leading 10.78 seconds to leave her thinking she might double at next year's world championships.


Olympic 100 gold medalist Shelly-Ann Fraser trailed in 10.82, just ahead of American Carmelita Jeter (10.83).


Three other season-leading marks were set.


American world champion Christian Cantwell used a last-effort throw of 22.41 meters to win the shot put, and world indoor 800 meters champion Mariya Savinova of Russia clocked 1:57.56 to beat Olympic 1,500 gold medalist Nancy Langat of Kenya at the shorter distance.


Sudan's Abubaker Kaki added a fifth season-leading mark when he took the infrequently run 1,000 meters in 2:13.62.


Kenyan Olympic 1,500 champion Asbel Kiprop just missed another when he won the mile in 3:49.75.


Olympic long jump champion Irving Saladino of Panama pulled a mild surprise as he used a wind-assisted leap of 8.46 meters to beat U.S. world gold medalist Dwight Phillips (8.41).


Brazilian world indoor gold medalist Fabiana Murer also came out on top, winning the women's pole vault over Polish world champion Anna Rogowska. Both cleared 4.58 meters. U.S. world leader Jenn Shur failed to clear a height.


(Editing by Tony Jimenez/Ian Ransom)

Technical Difficulties

Friends, thank you for the messages and comments on my emotional diarrhea. I have two more drafts in the works, but I decided to defer posting them. I agree with Soltero na mahirap ma-BJ sa kwartong may Winnie the Pooh wall painting. Chos. Pambihira ka, soltero, pinagana mo imahinasyon ko.

My three formidable enemies now are: my past, my insecurities, and trust issues. But I'll deal with them without blogging much about them.

Di bagay ang emotera sa aking blog, o ang sobrang pag-iinarte. Tama na muna ang igiban ng luha.

Anyhoo, blogger.com was experiencing system error churva. Some of the comments could not be published, like kay Nimmy, dabo, kiks, and soltero.

Pasensya na mga friends.

On the lighter side, I wanna thank Bienvenido Lim aka orallyours, for pointing to me "The Story about the man who didn't believe in love". Thank you, Migs the Manila Gay Guy for sharing that wonderful, wonderful story. Naluha ako sa first five minutes pa lang ng narrative. And the whole piece was moving, very insightful, and very enlightening. At dahil dyan, I bought the whole volume of The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. Hehe.

Thank you, my friends, for the supportive messages and comments to my whining and lamentations.

Monday was an interesting day for me. I was in my usual emotera mode. I messaged Bien and he was free naman to meet up. At nagkita nga kami. We had a short but fun chat. It's nice to meet a blogger na based dito sa Zingapura. Bien, all the best. Definitely, we'll see each other again.

Pagkauwi ko naman, I called my guy, ate Guy. We had the usual casual conversation. Gusto nga akong sampalin ni Bien, kasi sabi ko sa kanya, pag di ko nakakausap o nakakatext si guy, down ako. Pag kausap ko na sya, parang ang saya-saya ko uli. Pag baba ng telepono, down na naman ako. Lukaret lang, db? It turns out that all the emotional episodes of that day were all brought about by my baseless assumptions and suspicions. I thought he didn't call last night because he didn't have as much liking as I did. When in fact, he thought I would be calling him and he was waiting for me to call. Toinks! And yesterday, because I was trying to "detach myself from him", he thought I wasn't in the mood for correspondence. So he gave me some space to cope with myself. Taena, ginisa ko ang sarili ko sa sariling kong Baguio oil.

At the end of the day, nakausap ko sa chat si Eternal Wanderer. Nakakasilaw ang busilak, dalisay at mayumi nyang pagkatao... sa webcam. Hahaha. Echos. Di kami nag-web-cum. Wala daw akong kwentang kausap. Nag-aadjust lang naman ako sa kausap ko eh. Hahaha. Joke-lang bading! Peace tayo, mare. Nakakatuwa kang kausap. Di na to mauulit. Hahahahahaha! Charing.

Happy Hump Day, everyone!