Nokia Arte Gold

Kung ito ang phone mo, aarte ka pa?

Kung ganyan ang katawan mo, aarte ka pa?

Kung maghubad sa harap mo ang hipong ito, aarte ka pa?

Kung bubukaka sya sa yo, aarte ka pa?

Kung lalapit sya sa yo, aarte ka pa?

Kung ngingiti sya sa yo, aarte ka pa?

Kung gusto ka ng kambal, aarte ka pa?

Kung sya ang guardian angel mo, aarte ka pa?

Kung sya ang ka-marathon mo at gusto kang i-marathon, aarte ka pa?

Kung mag-comeback sya as a sexy star, aarte ka pa?

Eto, aarte ka pa?

Kung gusto nyang makiligo sa bathroom mo, aarte ka pa?

Kung sya ang muay thai instructor mo, aarte ka pa?

Kung sila ang atleta ng bansa mo at gustom ka nilang "makalaro", aarte ka pa?

Kung sya ang boyfriend mo, aarte ka pa?

Kung malaman mong dinagdag ito sa DVD ng Bangkok Love Story as deleted photo, aarte ka pa?

Kung lapitan ka nito para pagbentahan ng pabango, aarte ka pa?

Kung padilaan nya sa yo ang bawat patak ng ice cream na matapon sa katawan nya, aarte ka pa?

 photo credits www.trevvy.com/hotbods

Tattooed on my mind

Recently, I caught up with a friend of mine who's in a situationship with his long lost friend. He thought they would get back together, but certain events changed everything that it almost frustrated him. It was remarkable how he never changed his treatment of the person, even after the other guy stopped attaching terms of endearment and started calling him on first name basis once again. I told him, that if I were in his shoes, I'd stop being sweet and romantic, once the person decides to stay on the other side of the world for practical reasons rather than choosing to stay with me. My good friend said that it's not reason enough for him to stop loving a person. He still cherishes their moments and will always keep in memory the good times they had. It was admirable, and it tatooed on my mind. He's the type of guy I'd want to have a relationship with - personality-wise - but too bad, I'm not attracted that much to him.

He had an idea of getting a tattoo, as token of opening a new chapter in his life. It wasn't crazy enough, for the one he wanted was not permanent. He just wanted something that's gonna be inked on his arm for a couple days, try out another design, and make it a weekly thing. He enticed me to get one, and consent I did. I accompanied him to the shop where he chanced upon while waiting for me to arrive.

The shop had special offers on airbrushed tattoos, although they don't have henna. We browsed the different patterns in their catalog, and chose one that we really liked. It was the only one that appealed to both of us, so I decided to pick it as well, but asked to put it on a different bicep.

Painting our arms was an enjoyable experience. The sensation of the cold spray on your sensitive skin, the delicate touch of the sexy designer and how his image seduces your imagination to lust over him, and the excitement of how it'd look like on us once it's done. The result -

We were so happy with what we've got, that he suggested we attack the bathhouse while the tattoo is fresh. Yes, we may get mistaken for being lovers, but the initial thought was fun. He made another suggestion to head to the club as well, showing our inks. But that's gonna be too corny, I thought. Besides, it was not as permanent and as cool as the real tattoo. What hapenned afterwards was that we just had chat over coffee. I had to go to the gym as well. This has stopped me from deciding to go clubbing and frolicking in the baths. Sayang ang workout gains kung mag magpupuyat ako, noh .

An interest in getting a permanent tattoo came up. I'd welcome the above same pattern inked and etched on my arm. This time, I would want to use rainbow colors. Violent from top to red on the bottom. But I'm still pondering on the idea.

Now, I guess, it wouldn't be a weekly ritual for me and my friend to get an airbrushed tattoo. The pattern faded after three days. Hindi sulit . But it was worth doing once in a while. As for the permanent one, I'm still afraid of the needle. Mababa ang tolerance ko sa pain. Believe me, kahit naturukan na ko ng mas malalaki at matatabang panusok, iba pa rin yung pinong sakit na dulot ng pagpipintado.

Echoosan

over SMS:

him: Nasad ako. Ang itim ko na daw. Hay, dumadami na problema ko.

me: gagee. Paapekto ka naman. Di naman masagwa ang alma moreno ha. Di ka naman madumi tignan. Wag ka paapekto sa komento.

me again: One problem at a time. Unahin ang taba. Pag na-solve yan, di mo na kelangang alalahanin yung moreno. Uso naman ang macho o sexy na moreno

him: Ang taba ko na nga, maitim pa ko. Sobrang ewww

me: alalahanin mo edge mo. Gwapo ka, maganda ngipin, makinis ang balat, matangkad, mabait, at boyfriend material.

him: Feeling ko, sa nognog ako babagsak. Jusme, wag naman.

me: u r juz being modest. I know u r gud looking

him: errr, di kaya.

him: Uy, tinatanong mo ko kung top o btm ako. Ikaw?

me: Micheal BotoMesa ako. Yun nah.

him: Kalokah. Loud and proud. Taray.

me: gaya ng sagot mo, wag na lang natin pag-usapan.
(nung huling usapan natin, sinabi nyang versa sya at wag na lang naming pag-usapan ang detalye)

him: Pero pedeng gawin. Joke. Lol

me: Ay, uu. Tara. ECHOZ!

him: Ay naku. Wala ako place at baka di mo ko makalimutan kung mangyari yun. LOL. Echos lang din.

me: Motmot tau.

him: Di ako pumapasok sa ganyan. Maarte talaga ako. Sensya na.

me: Ok lang. *Change topic, Blah blah, etcetera eklavarva*

him: Tnx 4 being nice.

Konting backstory: nakita ko na sya sa bathhouse pero walang nangyari sa amin. Masyado ako na-intimidate sa kanya kasi gwapo talaga sya, at feel ko iisnabin lang nya ang ganda ko. It just so happened we have a common friend who went on that same occasion. Through this friend of ours, I was able to add him in FB.

It was until we saw each other on the same trip that I had the chance to get his number. It was that time we had personal interaction or conversation outside the online world. So we started texting, and we got close. Maybe too close to make echoosan over text.

I tried being nice, but he told me not to. He said he might fall for me. So I went for the campy friend na super bakla para mapa-smile sya during times na nahihirapan ang loob nya. Of course, the hard times are the opportunities for other people to make salo and pick him up. But I just became myself and not a person who would take advantage of the moment.

Until that time. He wasn't vulnerable, and there was no reason to prey on this guy. To me, it was a normal conversation between friends. But when you feel that he is already laying the bait, would you resist? So we ended up flirting. But good thing, he made kabig by saying he doesn't go to hotels. I guess, we have an indication of interest, but not keen enough to cross the line.

Mas mainam na marahil yun: ang maging matalik na magkaibigan at hindi katalik na pagkakakilanlan lang.

Nothing to Post? Post nothing!

Lately, di ako nagpo-post ng status sa facebook. Puro post lang ng mga kinain, o kalokohan o madalas magkomento sa estado ng iba. Ang hirap kasing maglathala ng kung ano ginagawa mo – pakialam naman ng iba. Kung may halong poot o hinanakit naman yung status, pag-isipan ka pang nega star. Kung echos naman ang ipo-post, babarahin ka pa ng mga kaibigan mo. Pero kung happy at positibo naman yung ise-share mo, may fb friends kang mag-aagree at magse-second motion sa pinost mo.

Naalala ko tuloy yung isang aphorism: “When you have nothing to say, say nothing. A weak defense strengthens your opponent, and silence is less injurious than a bad reply.” Enough said.

Hanga naman ako sa mga friends na ang simple ng post, pero andaming reply. Di ko sya masisisi; marami syang kaibigan. Mapa-cheesy, mapa-emo, kahit ano, patok sa takilya ang mga salita. Inggit ba ako? Hindi ah! No! Walang violent reaction from me! Char.

Minsan naman akong nag-post na kasama ko nanay ko after the mass. Akalain ko bang may magkomentong, “ang agang rampa naman nyan!” Wala naman akong ginawang masama sa taong yun. Bagkus, pinuri-puri ko pa sya noon sa angking sex appeal nya bilang tao. Bakit ganun na lang ang komento nya? Simula nun, itinigil ko na ang pag-comment sa mga statuses nya. Ni-hide ko pa nga sya sa newsfeeds ko eh.

Ay, wag ka, andami kong tinago sa mga FB newsfeeds ko. Mga apps, mga taong paulit-ulit sa estado, mga walang karele-rele na lathala, mga nakakairitang eklavarva. Minsan, tinatabunan nya yung mga importanteng bagay na dapat kong malaman sa mga kaibigan ko eh!

Pero ang matindi siguro ay yung in-unfriend ka minsan, at in-add ka uli, para ma-unfriend na naman sa bandang huli.

Kasalanan ko kasi. Si ex yun. Syempre, nung break-up namin, binlock nya ko sa lahat ng online networks, FB and Friendster in particular. Understandable. After several months, I sms him, telling him I still think about him and he’s still the one person who holds my heart. Malamang nabasa nya yun, kasi one day, in-add nya ko ulit sa FB. So, I thought we’re okay. I forgot that I sent him that message and never made follow-throughs. Although, I distinctly remember liking every FB statuses he posted and commenting on them. Annoying much? So, one day, I noticed his statuses are no longer on my home page. When I checked his profile, I saw the “add friend” button. This made me furious at first, but then I realized my wrongdoing. I had my emo moments when I texted him. Seriously, I still had feelings. But the actions were so unsatisfactory. I don’t blame him for unfriending me once again, this time around.

Mainam na yun, kesa sa mudslinging at vandalism sa wall ng iba, di ba?

Valentine's at the Baths

It's no surprise that this V-day entry is about the house of sauna. I thought my plans of going out would give a breath of fresh air to my weekend and this blog. But I was wrong. Friday night was a blast, when I caught Valentine's Day movie with close friends. A friendly date with a nice guy whom I had a fling and a falling out in the past and with whom i am now in good terms made the eve of the day of hearts special. I thought Chinese new year would be ushered by a special date with the guy I met at the baths. We already made plans but something went wrong, which eventually brought me to the house that sodomy built. We even saw each other inside.

He told me we'd be going out on Valentine's day. Ben's Chinese but most of his family's already away from the country, except his sister. He's not fluent in Tagalog. In fact, his diction is similar to the sitcom-like caricature of the typical tagalog-speaking Chinese. Language barrier is one problem. Let's just say, I'm an assumptionista. So, when he told me, "pasyal tayo", I thought we'd be meeting for lunch, talk, have coffee, go to places, have dinner, and head to his place for the climactic consummation.

But no.

I ended up texting him in the morning for confirmation, just to receive a late call in the afternoon (he doesn't text; he'd rather call than compose). I left the house in the morning so I could do stuff before everything's blocked for that afternoon date. Thinking my valentine plan's tumbling downhill faster than Jill could hit rock bottom, I had to come up with plan B. Pronto.

Apparently, I have no one to turn to coz all my friends already had plans. While still in MOA, I could only think of one place of refuge. CB. WHo am I kidding?! I texted no one for help so I could justify to my lying self that I could go there. I didn't even bother to return Chinese guy's call so it could turn out that I'm disappointed by his actions - when in fact he didn't do anything wrong. Carrie, you're Evil Longoria!

Off I went to CB, only to get frustrated with the crowd. I thought I'm gonna go ala- Jessica Biel ("Yay, more sad and lonely [beautiful] people!") or Queen Latifah ("kneel to queen Inzinga!") in the dark corridor of the place. Instead, I saw losers like me with no dates on a supposed romantic evening. And like a cherry topping, Chinese guy bumped into me at the water station.

We didn't say a word to each other. Well, it wasn't much silence as he couldn't hear me well when I asked him what happened to him. No reply, so I went on to my business as he went back to the gym area.

At the end of that evening, I gave head and didn't receive any tails. Until CG was done lifting. After his shower, we headed to my room to do hanky panky. If the streaks of bad luck hasn't stopped, then I don't know what's with his premature ejaculation. He apologized and I accepted. What's more important is the understanding that at the end of the day, it's us who should get together.

CG and I are in a situation where no label can appropriately describe. We're not fubus or open lovers, but we like each other to the point of being more than friends. This extended outside of CB, where we first met. He even said he loved me at one point. But realizing that a lot of things would hinder us to work out as a couple, means that I couldn't reciprocate the feeling. And he got that. But being happy when together, we enjoyed each other's company and intimacy when the chance is present.

After the deed, it was understood that we leave the place together. But the thought of me being an asshole that day kept me from asking him to have supper together. I hopped on to his ride, asked him to drop me off somewhere in EDSA, and thanked him.

I had supper alone at McDonald's before V-day ended.

A Rectal Dysfunction

Nakatuwad akong nakasandal sa gilid ng kama, shorts nasa sahig, habang pinapasok nya ang kanyang daliri sa kaloob-looban ng aking tumbong. Namuo ang pawis sa noo ko. Hindi ako makaangal. Hindi ako makaungol. Di naman ako umuungol pag dinadaliri. Di ako kumportable sa ganun. Pero kelangan ko syang hayaan.

May masundot kaya syang di kanais-nais sa loob? Malaman kaya nyang natira na ko ng hapong yun bago nya ko nadaliri ? Mabasa kaya nya ang utak ko at sumakay sa pantasya ko na mag-sex kami sa klinika nya ? Charing na yung huling tanong.

Linggo. Umaga ng araw na yun, nagparamdam si T na 1 pm syang lalabas ng trabaho at kung pwede sya sa apartment ko ng alas-dos. Wala ang mga housemates sa hapon, kaya pwedeng dumiskarte. So - ang lola mo - linis, ayos, at pabango ng kwarto. Laba, plantsa, at iba pa. Tinapos ko na ang lahat ng gawaing-bahay sa araw na yun.

Ang di ko na-manage eh maglinis sa pagitan ng dalawang appointment. 4 pm ang next engagement ko dahil naka-oo na ko five days before. Samakatuwid, pinilit kong isingit ang kakatihan sa araw na alam kong may mas importanteng bagay na dapat puntahan. Nagniig pa rin kami ni T, pero minadali ko sya. Di naman sya nadismaya. Naunawaan naman nya yung paliwanag ko.

Matapos magparaos, walang ligo, walang banlaw, swipe lang ng tissue at hugas-kamay, sabay bihis, ayun fly na sa susunod na lakad.

Hinatid ko si T sa sakayan, at dumiretso sa klinika para alamin ang resulta ng aking check up.

Overall executive health check up is ok. I opted to take additional tests for testosterone level and cancer indicators. Except for slightly higher-than-normal cholesterol (I eat fast food most of the time; I love KFC chicken), and a small finding, I am fine for the most part. For the other cancer indicators, I was clear. Testosterone level, ok. May konting churva lang sa prostate. So the doctor had to probe my rectum for any unusual lumps.

He asked me to go to the side of the bed, to drop my shorts, and to bend over. He put on latex gloves, got some KY and when he was ready, he poked my hole, slowly inserting his finger in. It was neither uncomfortable nor awkward. He was professional; I'm used to it. What if afterwards, the doctor finds his gloves stained? What if there’s a lump that could mean cancer? What if he gets turned on and puts on another latex thing on another body part? Charot.

He said it should be ok; no need to worry much on the prostate. (I'd probably get another prostate cancer indicator test next year to monitor.) Then I inquired about the testosterone. Doctor said to consult a neurologist to further examine my erectile behavior. I told him I couldn’t sustain erection during sex, so doctor said it could mean psychological or neurological.

I walked away from the clinic, devoid of any libido. Just glad that my health is still well.

Fires of Feb

A sniff, then stoned, it's the start of it all.
You'll expect more than a bump, you'll begin to soar.
See streaks of colors, blinding ones like the sun.
It is night, and you like the excitement and fun
of naked bodies getting in to the groove
of house and trance as your little world move.
A spin, a blur, it is nothing at all
compared to the heady feeling of free fall.
It's you flying from the edge of the cliff,
and smoothly gliding, not minding the stiff
sensation that rams inside your innocent hole.
You just groan in pleasure, begging for more.
And the seweges scream of the fluids of Feb.
It's the start of the strain, getting caught in the web
of lust and base desires of your heart.
The beat, the rhythm, the bone in your flesh
you feel him starting to slingshot some fresh
seeds of his manly essence. A flash. A silvery glow.
A hit, a bang, the fang of his bow.
The smug in the face, he's a keeper and a find,
the edge of the bed, the end of the line.
His spear, a spike, he nails you several times.
A drip, a drop, the start of an epic climb.
A sniff, then stoned, it's the start of it all.
You get more than a bump, you'll end up sore.
And the city burns in the fires of Feb.
It's the start of getting caught in the web.

Boses Kuliglig

Nahanap mo na ba boses mo sa mundong ito? Ang seryoso ng tanong. Pero, wag ka, baka mababawan ka o antukin sa mga susunod mong mababasa...

Kilala si McVie, Bernadette, Mr Hubs at si Kokoi sa pagpapatawa. Si Miggs na boses ng mga kapatid natin sa iba't ibang panig ng daigdig. Narinig ko na rin sina Dan and Rye na parang napakanatural ang dating. Si Tristan na icon ng online romance. Si Vince na naghahatid impormasyon tungkol sa pagiging bading - bokabularyo, bathhouse, style ng pag-cruise, etc. Si Gibbs Cadiz ng Kultura at Sining. Si TBR na magaling sumuri ng pelikula. Si Galen na di nauubusan ng samu't saring paksa na mailalahad sa kanyang tagabasa. Si Danton Remoto na tumatalakay sa politika.

Marami pang maaaring banggitin pero ilan lang yan sa mga boses ng rainbow bloggers or pink bloggers na alam ko. Pihado, madami pang mga personalidad ang di ko pa nababasa na talagang brilyante ng panahong ito.

Pero ano nga bang boses ang dapat kong i-project. Kung sinuman ang nagbabasa nito, eh kukurutin ako sa singit at sasabihing, maging totoo ka. Be yourself, kumbaga. Marahil boring ako magsulat ng wholesome na paksa, o boring lang talaga yung paksang inilalabas ko. Kaso, naisip ko na kung puro kalandian o kamalian ang ilalahad ko, wala nang magkakagusto sa akin. Ano na lang sasabihin ng taong makikilala ko dahil sa blog ko, na wala akong ibang ginawa kundi magbathhouse, magpatira sa kahit sinong lalake, patulan ang kung anumang gumagalaw, o papayag sa kung anong kundisyon, kaladkarin baga, makapag-sex lang. Totoo, pero turn off di ba?

Ayoko rin namang kinakaawaan ako.

Paprangkahin ko kayo, Nag-blog ako para mapansin. Lahat naman tayo naghahangad ng atensyon, di maikakaila. Pero sadyang karamihan eh may ibubuga naman sa pagsulat. At kung may makaka-appreciate ng katha mo, eh di mabuti. Kaya naman natutuwa ako pag may nagkokomento sa blogpost ko. Pero di naman yun ang punto ng gawaing ito. Pinakumbaba ako ng mga pangyayari para mamulat ako sa katotohanang di ako kagalingan. Napagtanto ko, na di ito karera o patimpalak o palakasan.

Naging intension ko rin ang mag-blog para umiwas sa bathhouse. Kaya pinili ko ang URL na ABlogADayKeepsTheBathHouseAway.blogspot.com. I’d blog about anything I could come up with and publish it, so that I’d spend my weekends in my room instead of at the baths. Apparently, it didn’t turn out as planned. For the most part, ironically, I’ve blogged about my experiences at the baths.

Ang blog na ito ay mundo ko kung saan may kalayaan akong magsulat ng kahit anong gusto ko at nais kong ipamahagi sa nais bumasa.

Wala pa rin akong maitataguyod na boses sa ngayon. Magiging pilit lang ang persona ng blog page na ito. Hayaan ko na sa ang mga batikan at batak na sa ganitong larangan ang isang bagay na magtatatak sa kanila sa mundo. Ako, isang ordinaryong bakla na kung may maisusulat, isusulat ko ayon sa kung ano ang nais kong mailathala.

Malamang yung ibang nakabasa nito eh lumipat na sa ibang blog site. Kung matapos mo itong entry na ito, pilit man o may tyaga, salamat, kaibigan.

Ako si Carrie. At ito ang blog ko.

Confessions of a Bathhouse-a-holic

I’m Carrie and I’m a bathhouse-a-holic. I go to bathhouse A on Friday evenings, B on Saturdays, and C on Sunday afternoons. I hook up with various kinds of people – the hung, the young, the hot, the not, and average Joes who turn me on in their own way. I look for sex to boost my ego – that I can prove to myself that I am desirable, somehow. I used to have these online accounts but since I’m not photogenic, I hardly get invitations to get hanky-panky. As my friend said, the bathhouse is the fastest way to get a hookup.

I’ve been doing this since 2004. When a chat-mate brought me to Blue Avenue. The same guy introduced me to G-club. But the first sauna experience was in F.

Sex has been my spouse for the last six years. I masturbate every night to put myself to sleep. I once used sex as a form of blackmail to a loving ex. I used sex to forget about my problems in life. I resort to sex as a mood enhancer.

And when I don’t get some action, I act like a bitch from hell.

I used poppers for sex. It knocks me down and relaxes my hole. I used xtc to enhance the sexual experience. I used ice and ketamine to raise up the bar of sexual pleasure and eroticism.

Barebacking was even acceptable to feel different, a break from the old latex feeling in my ass-lining.

When I have sex, not just the one with sucking and anal, but that which you intensely kiss and exchange saliva, your sweating bodies slide against each other, your excitement rises up when you feel each other’s hard on getting even harder, when you groan so loud when given a head, when you feel like your senses are heightening every second, and when you feel each other’s flesh in a level you’ve never reached before, the world feels so beautiful.

Afterwards, it becomes ugly again.

And you’d go for sex the next day, so you could fill the void inside.

I go to a bathhouse with a crowd that I know I could take over. If it’s full of beautiful guys, I avoid it. I go to the one where I know most of them would bow down at my presence. Etchos. I’m an insect (insecure fairy) waiting to be hit by the swat of life. And I know that, that’s why I go to a place where I could stand out. So I go to the bathhouse for the aged. Hahaha.

I don’t think love is therapy for this. But I don’t want Ms Aida accompanying me to my grave either. Aling Choleng, help me.

New Day

Aint so bad when I think about it
I can get through this
Life aint so hard with you not around, yeah
I think I'll make it on through

Oh yes I miss the company
And then my friends remind me you aint who I need it from
I'll bet there's plenty more

I'm feeling free and so happy
I'm realizing I've survived to fight another day
Another day

Like the morning sun
I'm rising up
I'm a new day
All the dark is gone

It's a new day
broken heart well
Yeah I feel good again
In-spite of what you've done
I still believe in loving, a little romancing

Well, I don't need your sympathy
I'm over how you did me
Can't come crawling back no no
You left this

I'm feeling free and so happy
I'm realizing I survived to fight another day
I'm ready, come get me

{3X}
Like the morning sun
I'm rising up
I'm a new day
All the dark is gone
I'm surviving oh
It's a new day