I'm On A High, Mahayhay

I was writing this while I was on eklavarva. Yes, nakiuso ako kay iurico sa PnP entry nya. Ayokong magpahuli kaya naki-ride high ako sa in ngayon - ang magpaka-bangenge.

Bakit ako nag-ecklavoo? Ganito kasi yun, I was a tad bit depressed-depressan and I made halungkat on my dresser for something to swallow, since I cant find a man's cum.

Stresstabs, witit. Myra, witit. Ascorbic, witit. Solmux chewtab, waley. Orange pill. Hmmmm...

Nakilala ko sa g4m long ago yung nagbebenta nito. Yung former booking ko eh mahilig sa Mahayhay fun vacation. Eklavich, Krista Ranillo, at Balitang K ang tinitira namin para ma-access namin ang roller coaster ride na mas matindi pa sa Battlestar Galactica o Reverse Bungy thrill.

Tinalikuran ko na yun. Thing of the past. Tapos na chapter na yun. Di ko alam na may remnants pala, parang horcrux lang ng nakaraan ko. The only way to destroy it was to swallow it. Ning, $40 paano mo sasayangin?

Pero nakuha ko yun nang libre. Si booking nagpabili sa akin ng epektos at ako'y kumupit ng ilan at tinubuan pa sya sa benta.

Ako na ang Devil Incarnacion.

Ganun na lang takot ko nung nabalitaan ko yung mga binitay sa Tsina.

Anyway, si orangeina ay dapat talaga ini-enjoy sya sa maingay at mataong lugar, hindi sa pag-iisa sa kwarto. Para tuloy akong baliw - ang saya ko pero I dont have anyone to share it to. Nanlalamig ang buo kong katawan, at naghahahanap ako ng kayakap at kahalikan at kachukchakan, pag ganitong napaka-sensitive ng katawan ko sa kaunting kanti ng haplos at hagod ng kamay. Ewwww, self molestation.

Anyway, Macapagal highway, I decided to call a blogger friend overseas. Gusto ko lang ng kachikahan in the middle of a sleepless night. Nakailang jack and beanstalk na ko, dugo na lalabas sa akin pero di pa rin ako makatulog. Pinipigil daw ang ejaculation, tseh! Mind over matter. Napipiga ko pa yung bagong gawang modtax sa ratsky ko eh. TMI na. TMI.

Kinumusta ko si blogger friend. He has this situation with a girl, but things didnt work out. Okay na daw sya kay pechay. Since we were talking, he remembered a dream of his that he dreamed of the other night, with daylight saving time. Nag-scooby doo daw kami. Sabi nya, hinipan daw nya ko (blow). Hinipan ko din daw sya. At sa huli, kinangkong nya ko sa talbos ng kamote.

Sobrang ewww naman ako, like nandiri with matching shrieks and squeaks. High pitch na tinalo ang whistle blow ni Mariah.

Nagkita na kami nito sa Pinas once, and that was last year pa. This blogger friend is a brother to me. The thought of doing it with him is far fetched.

Bloger-friend:"it's just a dream. no big deal."

Me: "Ah ganon. No big deal pala. Ganyan lang naman ako sa mga lalaki eh, no big deal! Wala lang pala ako sa yo, tseh!"

Biglang naglabasan ang mga bagaheng nawala ng Cebu Pacific nung naglakbay mulang Manila to Singapore! Hahahaha!

Inaway-away ko kuno si blogger friend. Pero chika lang yun. Of all people, bakit ako pa mapapanaginipan nya? And of all dreams, yun pang sexual. I know this blogger friend to b straight (or so I think he gets it on with females - charing lang, friend, kung nagbabasa ka, I'm sure you're straight), God-fearing, and serves a lot in his community.

So, really, it's no big deal to him. I even began to psychoanalyze him by asking him what he felt when we were doing it. He said nagulat daw sya. Yet, the dream went on. Take note, hindi daw sya nilabasan. To which I replied na "eh hindi naman ako hot para labasan kayong mga lalake. Hindi naman talaga kayo nilalabasan sa akin." Hahahaha, Yumaman ang airline sa overbaggage ko. Potah!

Mga ilang echusan pa ang naganap at kinumusta ko naman sila ni pechay. Di naging maganda takbo ng mga pangyayari sa kanila ni Depechay Mode. So I told him na lang na he should get over it and move on. If the girl still communicates with him, just reply casually without furthering the conversation. That way, she wouldn't feel he's bitter about their situation and at the same time she wouldn't feel he's still needy or clingy or whatever. Yeah, it's normal to be bitter at first, because one would feel disappointment, frustration, and upset feelings after things don't work out. But it is mature to be civil to the other person.

The great irony of life - galing mong magbigay ng advise, sarili mo di mo matulungan sa situation mo. Haist. Ibang storya na yun. At the time of this writing, O and Mksurf8 may prolly be revelling in the clubs. I had to stay indoors. Magagalit ang jowa.

Yes, may jowa na ko. Happy weekend!

Slapped

(composed in July of 2010)

"Kung di ka nya kayang pagkagastusan, hindi ka karapat-dapat!"

Pak! Harshness kung harshness ang delivery.

May dalawa akong kumare na appreciate na appreciate ko ang points of view. Parang angel sa kanan at angel sa kaliwa lang ang dating. Yung angel locsin ko, was supportive of me pursuing my guy. In fact, we called ourselves Mrs (insert the last names of our boyfriends-who-never-were). Haha. Well, I stopped pursuing him. I decided to drop it off sa kanto ng EDSA at mag-drive palayo at manirahan sa bulubundukin ng Baguio.

Yung angel aquino ko, aka Vera, slapped me with reality. True enough, there's truth in what she said. Toink.

"Kung di ka nya kayang pagkagastusan, hindi ka karapat-dapat!" Umalingangaw yan sa kamalayan ko. Sabagay, my guy deserves better. I don't need a relationship with someone else for the meantime. Charlatan. I was all along infatuated with the guy. It wasn't love. It was obsession.

Ganito pala ang nao-obsess, kalokah.

I need to enrich my relationship with myself for now. I've been hard on myself lately for nothing.
 
I know you guys are tired of reading/learning about this from me.
 
Tungkol naman sa nasabi ni Vera, may point naman sya eh. If the guy doesn't make a move, it tells you that you may not be worth the while. I'm not referring to coming up with fancy dinners or fabulous getaways. I'm talking about the simple things: catching a movie, spend some time chatting at the coffee shop, or hear sunset mass on a weekend. I guess, it was clear to me that he's not that into me.

Anyway, life goes on for Carrie.

Kahit pag nababanggit ang pangalan nya, kumikibot ang puso ko at may luhang gustong kumawala sa gilid ng kanang mata ko.

Kasi I miss him.

Kahit binibiro ako ng kaibigan na, "I thought you're getting there".

Kasi I'm just getting by.

Kahit overrated ang cyber hugs at cyber kisses from cyber friends.

Kasi I need them.

Kahit naglilitanya ako nang walang kamatayan, nagagawa kong makausad sa buhay.

Kasi nandiyan kayo. :)