Tell Me I’m Weird

1

When I feel confident about something, it’s inevitable that something, no matter how small or daunting, would happen to ruin the moment. The opposite happens when the conviction is negative, and things turn out to be not that bad. I don’t want to project a negative vibe every time, so I just lower my expectations to avoid greater frustration.

2

I have this facebook friend who’s a friend of a friend of mine. We’re neither acquaintances nor good friends, but only “tamang pagkakakilanlan lang”. I notice him liking almost every status of our main friend. But I feel a certain pinch in my weird being that he’s not doing it to me. LOL. Come to think of it, it’s become even weirder, now that I’ve laid it in the open.

We got personally introduced by our main friend. At that occasion, I blurted out that he was cute. Hirap talaga pag bihira kang makakita ng pogi sa kweba. I think tumatak yun sa kanya. Malamang tumatak yun sa kanya. But I meant it in a friendly way, knowing that I’m being flirty all the time and I know that I appreciate beauty whenever I see one. When we bump into each other naman at the gym, we talk like kamustahan nang kaunti, then do our own business. But we never got close. He has a partner, and I acknowledge that.

When I got to talk to our main friend, I told him na this guy was gwapo sa unang tingin. But I asked him not to spill this to the guy. Ang jerk ko naman kung babawiin ko yung compliment ko. After the second meeting kasi, I don’t crush him anymore, ‘ika nga. Still, I felt na medyo iwas sya sa akin, in subtle ways that can be misconstrued as pagka-ilang. I’d understand – I crushed him at first meeting, and he has a partner.

Now, he likes almost every status of our main friend. Jealous much? Kahit di naman dapat i-like. For example, “mabigat sa damdamin na iwan ang minamahal, etcetera eklavarva…” Comment ka na lang kesa like, kasi parang gusto mong ganun ang sentimyento ng kaibigan mo, parang ang bad. (Better yet, sana magdagdag na lang ng iba pang options ang FB, gaya ng "Agree", "Disagree", "Strongly agree", "Vehemently disagree", and "I'm sitting in the fence", para masaya).

Samantalang ako, pang-miss universe na ang post sa wall, eh walang may-I-solicit ng kahit ano from him. Lawak ng utak ko, d b? Hindi naman ito ang pinuputok ng butsi ko. I’m just magnifying a very, very miniscule and trivial and non-sensical thing that’s in my system. Whatever you call it, I’m glad I got it out.