Not My Cup of Tea

I'll just write it down here while it's fresh, than wait for the time we'd chat in person ('coz that might take some time considering your workload and the frequency of our recent meetings). Maybe I should've asked your opinion before I gave mine. I don't want my message to influence the outcome of your assessment esp if mine is negative - meaning, I dont wanna hear you sugarcoat things just because I said I didnt enjoy the sex. If you enjoyed it yourself, I'd respect that. Because it was what I wanted to ensure that night (remember, I kept asking you if you were ok even before I got banged by the third guy, and he was surprised, as if we're lovers).

Hear me out and pls dont get me wrong if I say that I think you enjoyed it so much. I never heard you moan and groan that way when he sucked ur cock and fisted your ass at the same time. I've never seen you receive his kiss and it was more torrid than ever. I've never seen you tolerate such behavior like smoking in your kitchen (you're a neat freak). I think there was a tendency you two would make out almost anywhere in your studio, had I not been there. These things didn't come from a paranoid mind. I was just being observant.

This is not to put you in a bad light. What I just poured out were observations. I don't wanna say I got jealous. I think of it more as insecurity. I can never expect equal treatment and benefits in a three-way soirée. That's not gonna ever happen. But seeing you getting happy was enough. But there were personal needs that were not satisfied on my side.

And sorry if I made it look like I'm being cold to you after that. I'd like to forget what happened that night and move on. And these are vulnerabilities coming out, so I hope you bore with the drama. After losing respect for myself last time that I was trying to convince you to have fun last month - and failed - and after the disappointment in November 2009, I thought maybe this is going down-hill too fast, too soon. Truly, good things would come to an end.

There was a mistake on my part. I was still the hungry, insatiable btm that night, but I had to think of how to satisfy you and make you and the third guy go along well and keeping it from disaster. I had to go out of my way to make things work. He enjoyed it. You, I guess, did too. That's fair enough that the session was not a let-down. I should've realized that you two were mature enough to work it out, and I shouldn't have put too much thought in the process.

These are the things that I wanted to express to you here. Good day.