I’m Carrie and I’m a bathhouse-a-holic. I go to bathhouse A on Friday evenings, B on Saturdays, and C on Sunday afternoons. I hook up with various kinds of people – the hung, the young, the hot, the not, and average Joes who turn me on in their own way. I look for sex to boost my ego – that I can prove to myself that I am desirable, somehow. I used to have these online accounts but since I’m not photogenic, I hardly get invitations to get hanky-panky. As my friend said, the bathhouse is the fastest way to get a hookup.
I’ve been doing this since 2004. When a chat-mate brought me to Blue Avenue. The same guy introduced me to G-club. But the first sauna experience was in F.
Sex has been my spouse for the last six years. I masturbate every night to put myself to sleep. I once used sex as a form of blackmail to a loving ex. I used sex to forget about my problems in life. I resort to sex as a mood enhancer.
And when I don’t get some action, I act like a bitch from hell.
I used poppers for sex. It knocks me down and relaxes my hole. I used xtc to enhance the sexual experience. I used ice and ketamine to raise up the bar of sexual pleasure and eroticism.
Barebacking was even acceptable to feel different, a break from the old latex feeling in my ass-lining.
When I have sex, not just the one with sucking and anal, but that which you intensely kiss and exchange saliva, your sweating bodies slide against each other, your excitement rises up when you feel each other’s hard on getting even harder, when you groan so loud when given a head, when you feel like your senses are heightening every second, and when you feel each other’s flesh in a level you’ve never reached before, the world feels so beautiful.
Afterwards, it becomes ugly again.
And you’d go for sex the next day, so you could fill the void inside.
I go to a bathhouse with a crowd that I know I could take over. If it’s full of beautiful guys, I avoid it. I go to the one where I know most of them would bow down at my presence. Etchos. I’m an insect (insecure fairy) waiting to be hit by the swat of life. And I know that, that’s why I go to a place where I could stand out. So I go to the bathhouse for the aged. Hahaha.
I don’t think love is therapy for this. But I don’t want Ms Aida accompanying me to my grave either. Aling Choleng, help me.
Afterwards, it becomes ugly again.
ReplyDeleteAnd you’d go for sex the next day, so you could fill the void inside.
- A very nasty feeling I learned to overcome many years ago. It will either make or tear us apart.
Bathhouse for the aged? I go there too! Hahaha! In Pasay ba ito? Bakit di pa tayo nagkikita? LOL
ReplyDeleteBakla, bakla ka!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading, online friends. :)
ReplyDeleteGalen, I hope to do the same - overcome the habit, vice if you may. I thought, that if I continue to give in to promiscuousness while young, it would dwindle over time. This thought had become an illusion that someday, I'd reach that maturity with the grace of age without putting myself into the pit of misery and disease. But I guess, the seeds of repentance are sown in youth by pleasure, but the harvest is reaped in age by pain.
Hi, McVie! :)
@Tristan, hi sis. I'm glad you've got a different kind of "addiction" in your life. :)
i tried the bathhouse scene once when i was younger. ayos lang, did the nasty inside the steam room in front of everyone.
ReplyDeleteayun lang, maraming gustong sumali.
Hi, John Stanley. That's the tendency of other patrons, maki-join. Others just want to be 'exclusive'. Di ako mahilig maki-join sa catch ng iba. Ayoko rin kasing nakikihati sa nabingwit na isda eh.
ReplyDeleteHi, Carrie! i've never been to a bathhouse before. ewan kung meron nun dito sa baguio. i kinda got excited reading this entry. medyo curious na ako, and i think that as long as u r safe, indulge, indulge, indulge!
ReplyDelete"A very nasty feeling I learned to overcome many years ago. It will either make or tear us apart."
ReplyDeleteThis nasty feeling needs to be examined further. Why nasty? What makes it so? Is it really "nasty" or are you just repeating something handed down to you? Why continue to do something nasty? Is the reason for doing it worth keeping?
I've done my self-examinations, and frankly, I like sex and things don't turn ugly afterwards because I've made peace with my myself and my motivations.
@McVie, in fairness to Galen, he's over it. In my case, nothing triggered the addiction other than developing it as a habit. Examining further, the bathhouse is a convenience store for sex. Operative word: convenience. Because deep inside, I'm still not ready to commit myself to a relationship. Instead of dating and meeting guys at parties, which I know involves time and effort, I resort to something I know is easy to get, no brainer even. Nothing to spot other than the show of interest. So, really, i'm judging
ReplyDeletemyself as shallow. Definitely, this habit is not worth keeping. But how do I get out of it is another question. It's gonna be a long struggle that I have yet to start.
Hi Kokoi. Up to you if you wanna check out the baths. I have no idea if there's uch a place in Baguio. Sauna cguro na warm kasi malamig na jan eh nakatapis Lang ng twalya ang mga patron. The point of this entry, as you know it, is to tell people to be safe. It's nice to try things out once, but only for the experience. I knew I had addictive tendencies toward things I like, and obsession towards people I like. I'm a bit dangerous. But I can keep
ReplyDeletemy sanity in tact naman. I'm probably grateful that I don't have means and full access to the things that make me addictive to, even sex kasi I have work and I go to the gym naman. But the weekends are really the hardest time to resist going to baths.
Joel McVie:
ReplyDeleteSimple reason:
I'm not a sex kind of person and I've learned the more you do it, the more you feel empty.
Carrie:
ReplyDeleteI'm not yet over with the phase. I merely hold back myself so my engagements will be very, very, controlled.