A Rectal Dysfunction

Nakatuwad akong nakasandal sa gilid ng kama, shorts nasa sahig, habang pinapasok nya ang kanyang daliri sa kaloob-looban ng aking tumbong. Namuo ang pawis sa noo ko. Hindi ako makaangal. Hindi ako makaungol. Di naman ako umuungol pag dinadaliri. Di ako kumportable sa ganun. Pero kelangan ko syang hayaan.

May masundot kaya syang di kanais-nais sa loob? Malaman kaya nyang natira na ko ng hapong yun bago nya ko nadaliri ? Mabasa kaya nya ang utak ko at sumakay sa pantasya ko na mag-sex kami sa klinika nya ? Charing na yung huling tanong.

Linggo. Umaga ng araw na yun, nagparamdam si T na 1 pm syang lalabas ng trabaho at kung pwede sya sa apartment ko ng alas-dos. Wala ang mga housemates sa hapon, kaya pwedeng dumiskarte. So - ang lola mo - linis, ayos, at pabango ng kwarto. Laba, plantsa, at iba pa. Tinapos ko na ang lahat ng gawaing-bahay sa araw na yun.

Ang di ko na-manage eh maglinis sa pagitan ng dalawang appointment. 4 pm ang next engagement ko dahil naka-oo na ko five days before. Samakatuwid, pinilit kong isingit ang kakatihan sa araw na alam kong may mas importanteng bagay na dapat puntahan. Nagniig pa rin kami ni T, pero minadali ko sya. Di naman sya nadismaya. Naunawaan naman nya yung paliwanag ko.

Matapos magparaos, walang ligo, walang banlaw, swipe lang ng tissue at hugas-kamay, sabay bihis, ayun fly na sa susunod na lakad.

Hinatid ko si T sa sakayan, at dumiretso sa klinika para alamin ang resulta ng aking check up.

Overall executive health check up is ok. I opted to take additional tests for testosterone level and cancer indicators. Except for slightly higher-than-normal cholesterol (I eat fast food most of the time; I love KFC chicken), and a small finding, I am fine for the most part. For the other cancer indicators, I was clear. Testosterone level, ok. May konting churva lang sa prostate. So the doctor had to probe my rectum for any unusual lumps.

He asked me to go to the side of the bed, to drop my shorts, and to bend over. He put on latex gloves, got some KY and when he was ready, he poked my hole, slowly inserting his finger in. It was neither uncomfortable nor awkward. He was professional; I'm used to it. What if afterwards, the doctor finds his gloves stained? What if there’s a lump that could mean cancer? What if he gets turned on and puts on another latex thing on another body part? Charot.

He said it should be ok; no need to worry much on the prostate. (I'd probably get another prostate cancer indicator test next year to monitor.) Then I inquired about the testosterone. Doctor said to consult a neurologist to further examine my erectile behavior. I told him I couldn’t sustain erection during sex, so doctor said it could mean psychological or neurological.

I walked away from the clinic, devoid of any libido. Just glad that my health is still well.